Author Topic: Short Stories you've written  (Read 17390 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Andrew Ryan

  • Simon Belmont
  • *****
  • Posts: 5361
  • A man has a choice, I chose the impossible!
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #60 on: February 08, 2009, 10:25:16 pm »
Talk about a necrobump...

By the way, shouldn't this be in the art section?
"Don't worry 'bout me. I wouldn't worry about me. Don't you worry about me. Don't you worry 'bout me!" - Talking Heads, Don't Worry About the Government

Offline shadowlord18

  • Super Mario Bro.
  • *****
  • Posts: 4965
  • *hug* here you go be well my friend.
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #61 on: February 08, 2009, 11:06:48 pm »
yeah sorry about the necro bump but you know i think maybe its worth one of my walls of text.
also most likely the story telling thread actually.
« Last Edit: February 09, 2009, 04:14:49 pm by shadowlord18 »
Life is not measured by the amount of times you fall down but by the number of times you get back up again.

Offline Skyward

  • Ballblazer Plasmorb
  • *****
  • Posts: 3481
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #62 on: February 09, 2009, 06:03:02 pm »
Shouldn't this be moved to art now?
after all other Stories have ended up there.
Hell, Skyward Descent is pure win!
Quote from: Captain
I kill you in the name of DELICIOUS!

Offline shadowlord18

  • Super Mario Bro.
  • *****
  • Posts: 4965
  • *hug* here you go be well my friend.
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #63 on: February 12, 2009, 03:59:04 am »
I think no one noticed it because no one has posted in this thread for a great deal of time before I went and necro bumped.however we can wait for the mods to make their minds up on that. In the mean time I want opinions on my story. edit no one reading it or what ? I mean it devoid of my normal issues.
Life is not measured by the amount of times you fall down but by the number of times you get back up again.

Offline operaghost21

  • Rush'n Attacker
  • *****
  • Posts: 4178
  • ...
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #64 on: February 12, 2009, 08:24:51 am »
it was pretty intense...
"You hate people!"
"But I love gatherings. Isn't that ironic?"
~Clerks
Quote from: Kaizer
THINGS TO DO:
Get quoted to a sig [ ]

Offline Andrew Ryan

  • Simon Belmont
  • *****
  • Posts: 5361
  • A man has a choice, I chose the impossible!
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #65 on: February 12, 2009, 05:41:24 pm »
Good premise...

POST SOME OF THE ACTUAL STORY NOW!!!
"Don't worry 'bout me. I wouldn't worry about me. Don't you worry about me. Don't you worry 'bout me!" - Talking Heads, Don't Worry About the Government

Offline Haseri

  • Lode Runner
  • *****
  • Posts: 2225
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #66 on: February 14, 2009, 11:22:52 am »
Lost Traveller
Part 1 - The Arrival

She tasted sand. ‘She’ or any feminine pronoun wasn't actually the correct pronoun to use, but it's close enough. She cursed the scientists. She hadn't even left! But she licked the ground, just to make sure. This didn't taste like the sand she knew. The air didn't taste right. At first, she thought it would be the suit’s own air supply. Getting up, she saw what remained of the canister of air that had been attached to the suit. There was a huge hole in the back of her suit. At least the air here was breathable, wherever ‘here’ was.
   
She took a moment to look around. When she saw what remained of the disc she once called a ship, she was disheartened. There was no going back now. She wandered around the remains of the ship. It must have hit a balloon of some sort, she thought, an unmanned balloon. At least no one was hurt. Another thought hit her. She must have caused an explosion! If not from the impact, from the explosion the fuel on board. Looking around, she saw no sign of a crater. That was good.
   
She felt it getting colder. Behind her shaded visor of her suit, behind the transparent film that covered her eyes, she saw the planet’s sun get lower in the sky. She hoped there would be a night time. While waiting, she took of her now useless suit and tried to find her feeder. It had good supply of the nutrients, straight from the Queen. If that failed, she had the artificial stuff, which wasn’t as nice, or she could try to make her own sustenance, which she doubt she could do on this planet. She found the good stuff, fully intact. As she drank, she looked around. She knew she wasn’t home. There weren’t any of the telltale mounds that pockmarked home.
   
Sleep, she knew, was risky. But she took the risk. She awoke to the sound of motors. On the horizon, black shapes were coming towards her position. She considered her options. There was nowhere to run to, in the middle of open desert. They were getting closer. They looked almost like the cars the traders used to ferry goods between the mounds. She had decided to take the ‘paralysed with fear in the foetal position, hiding under a piece of wreckage’ approach.
   
She heard the stamping of boots. She opened an eye. She peered out from behind the piece of scrap metal. They we taller then she was, they walked on two legs, had two arms. They were wearing clothes, something they had only started practising back home, even then only in the bigger, more successful mounds. They had guns. She gulped. Which was not a good idea. At all.
   
The soldier who pulled back her hiding place looked young, and male, which surprised didn’t surprise her. He shouted in language she couldn’t understand. It was from the mouth, just like her. ‘Huw, mossur, jus izur huru!’ It wasn’t what she really heard, but for all she cared, it was. An older male came over. He wasn’t dressed like the others. They were dressed in sandy yellows. This one was dressed in black. He crouched down, inches from her face. The soldiers had their guns pointed at her. ‘Hulli shuru. Whaus os wier naumu?’ She blinked. The man got up. She followed suit. The soldiers readied their guns. ‘Kin's shiis os. Aunwinu whi kius woll jus shuor aussus haunkuk si shum.’ They disengaged their guns. The male opened out his 5-fingered hand. She took it, part of her cursing her for her trust.
   
The ride didn’t last long. She had only been in a car once, a long time ago, on a trip to another mound. It was exactly as she remembered, bumpy with little to see out of the window. Occasionally they passed a larger vehicle, presumably to retrieve her ship. She hoped they knew how to fix it, how to get her home. She was riding with the male in black and two of the soldiers in green. They were talking and looking at her.
   
She had no idea how long the ride took. They stopped in front of a large inconspicuous cube-ish mound, which two more males came out of, carting a large box. They were in blue. One of them had something in his mouth that had a thin wisp of smoke coming out of it. By the time they reached the car, the male had flicked it out of his mouth into a scraggly patch of grass, still smouldering. The group got out of the car. She felt the butt of the rifle against her back. She fell into the now open box, too frightened to escape while she had the chance. The last thing she saw was the male in black, looking apologetic...

To be continued, hopefully...
« Last Edit: February 15, 2009, 04:19:51 am by Haseri »

Offline operaghost21

  • Rush'n Attacker
  • *****
  • Posts: 4178
  • ...
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #67 on: February 14, 2009, 01:23:46 pm »
It must of havehave hit a balloon of some sort, she thought, an unmanned balloon.

anyway interesting story...wouldn't be roswell by any chance, would it?
"You hate people!"
"But I love gatherings. Isn't that ironic?"
~Clerks
Quote from: Kaizer
THINGS TO DO:
Get quoted to a sig [ ]

Offline emmet

  • Street Fighter Champion
  • *****
  • Posts: 10636
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #68 on: February 14, 2009, 02:11:39 pm »
The first time I've really tried to write. Tell me what you think.

INITIATE

   The first Prototype was finished on schedule.

   It was unbelievable. So much hard work, so much sweat and tears had gone into building it. Many times they had done what supposedly wasn't possible. Many times they had defied common knowledge.
   They say the best things come in small packages. That's not necessarily true. The best things come in huge, multi-million dollar grant, reinforced steel, a kilometer underground type packages. The kind of packages you're not supposed to know about.
   It was a room, an unremarkable, 4 meters cubed room. In the center was a stainless steel Chair that had been welded to the bare metal floor. Attached over the chair, there was a large plastic and glass helmet, exactly like those elaborate hair drying devices you might find in a barbers. Attached to the left arm of the Chair was a small numeric keypad and a large black switch marked "INITIATE."
   Technicians had been entering and leaving the room all day. Some came in pairs and had lengthy conversations about the ins and outs of the device. Some just came to sit in the chair.
   Dill belonged to the latter group. He sat in the Chair, stroked it's cold metal arms, fingered the keypad as if dialing in a command. He even lowered the helmet over his head, plunging himself into darkness.
   "You're not meant to lower the helmet." Dill jumped. Unfortunately the top of his elaborate headgear was only a couple of inches over his bald scalp, so when his head re-emerged from the bottom of the helmet, there was a large purple bump over his left eye.
   "Ouch man, you freaked me out there! How did you come in so quietly?"
   George, his colleague, chuckled loudly. "Your ears were cushioned by 5 inches of plastic. I'm surprised you heard me speak!"
   Dill smiled at his friends terrible sense of humour, and stood up. "Let's get some lunch, pain makes me hungry."

________________________________


   Back to business. Dill and George were Level 2 Technicians, meaning they got all the respect of a Level 1 Plumber, and only slightly better tasks. They'd both been working at the Next Sunrise Research Facility in Montreal for 4 years now, ever since they had left college and been born into this new world of futility and repetition.
   They had both been assigned to Project Répéter 7 months ago, but never informed what it was they were working on. All Dill knew for sure was that Répéter was French for "Repeat," and that it was definetly some hi-tech stuff. "Quantum coils" and "Neurostasis pods" were a sample of some of the words mentioned in the blueprints.
George would have the privilege of finishing the device, which was simply a matter of connecting a large cylindrical machine, dubbed the "Brain" to the back of the Chair, or the "Body." It wasn't difficult, but it was menial and long. So the two talked for some time as George sorted through at least 70 different cables and tubes, connecting them all into the correct ports.
"I bet it's a time machine." Said George suddenly, breaking the ten minute silence that had fallen upon them. "I mean, what else could a Chronotic Destabilizer be?"
"And? What if it was?" Dill smiled.
  "I'd visit the stock market and get me a one-way ticket to easy street, come on, wouldn't everyone if given the chance?"
Dill nodded opening his mouth to reply, but before he could George exclaimed;
"Finito! She is done! It's switch flippin' time!"
 They both stood up and stared at the contraption. If anything, the addition of the large machine had finally made the chair look more like something that actually belongs in a bunker under a research facility.
   "I know what you're thinking." Murmured Dill quietly. "Don't touch it."
   "But Dill, imagine what it could do! For all we know it could give us superpowers or grant us our ever desire!"
   "It could also be a new kind of electric chair."
   "God damnit Dill, what kind of electric chair has a numeric keypad?"
   "I'll give you that, but for god sakes that doesn't mean you should- HEY! Get out of that thing? Are you even listening to me?"
 George was already switching the machine on, and bright lights on the sides turned the room an eery green colour. He jumped into the Chair and pulled the helmet over his head.

   "Five bucks says you'll be fried..." Dill smiled sarcastically, and a chuckle echoed from behind the helmet. Dill wasn't going to stop George, he was too curious, and happy that it wasn't him risking his life.
    "T-minus 3... 2...1.... BLAST OFF!"

______________________________________________________________

Dill slowly got out of the Chair.
   "Are you okay? What happened? Did you see anything?" Dill eagerly stepped closer to George.
   "...No..." George said, clearly disappointed.
   "What? Nothing?"
   "Musta pressed it like 50 times, there's obviously no visible effect."
   George dragged himself over to the door, but Dill stayed put, staring at George, confused.
   "You never touched it!"
   "What?"
   "You just sat there for a second, then got up!"
   "Well you must have spaced out for about ten minutes, because that's how long I spent just pressing that big button over and over again."
   They both stared at each other for a moment, then to the chair.
   "Perhaps you should try it?" George whispered.
    Dill didn't need much persuasion, he was a scientist at heart.

    "'Kay, so I'll press it a few times, and you tell me what you see every time.
    "Yeah, but just stick with 5 for now, we don't know what the numbers represent."
    "If my eyes fall out in a few days I'm blaming you."

    INITIATE.

______________________________________________________________

   "-represent."
   "Wha? What did you just say?"
   "Stick with 5 for now because we don't know what the numbers represent?"
   "You already said that."
   "No I didn't!"
   "Huh. Deja vu."

   INITIATE.

_______________________________________________________________

    "No I didn't!"
    "I think the chair affected your brain or something, you just repeated yourself a second time!"
    You're creeping me out."

   INITIATE.

_________________________________________________________________

    "-me out."

   INITIATE.

__________________________________________________________________

    "-me out."

   INITIATE.

   INITIATE. INITIATE. INITIATE. INITIATE.

__________________________________________________________________

   "-me out."

   "GOD DAMN IT, STOP IT! THIS ****ING CHAIR IS MESSING WITH MY HEAD!" Dill pushed the helmet off his head and practically jumped out of the seat.
   "You see? All you did was talk about deja vu and sit there for a while! It changes our perspectives... I don't think we should mess with it anymore."
   "Yeah, definitely! This thing is evil!"
   "Man, you need coffee."
   They gathered up the tools George had been using to prepare the machine and left, and 3 hours and a decaf double-choc cappucino later it had all been forgotten.

End Part 1.

No way dude, you're trolling me.

Offline Haseri

  • Lode Runner
  • *****
  • Posts: 2225
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #69 on: February 15, 2009, 04:47:34 am »
Nice one Always. I paticularly liked

Quote
They say the best things come in small packages. That's not necessarily true. The best things come in huge, multi-million dollar grant, reinforced steel, a kilometer underground type packages. The kind of packages you're not supposed to know about.

And opera, it doesn't necessarily have to be Roswell. It could be a completely different crash that was never became the point of so many conspirency theories...

Offline operaghost21

  • Rush'n Attacker
  • *****
  • Posts: 4178
  • ...
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #70 on: February 15, 2009, 02:54:57 pm »
interesting story...
"You hate people!"
"But I love gatherings. Isn't that ironic?"
~Clerks
Quote from: Kaizer
THINGS TO DO:
Get quoted to a sig [ ]

Offline emmet

  • Street Fighter Champion
  • *****
  • Posts: 10636
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #71 on: February 15, 2009, 04:37:25 pm »
Can you comment on my writing? Is it any good?
No way dude, you're trolling me.

Offline Raz

  • Questron Serf
  • *****
  • Posts: 3449
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #72 on: February 15, 2009, 04:38:14 pm »
By the way, shouldn't this be in the art section?

Yes.

Offline operaghost21

  • Rush'n Attacker
  • *****
  • Posts: 4178
  • ...
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #73 on: February 15, 2009, 04:49:25 pm »
Can you comment on my writing? Is it any good?

I would say so :)
"You hate people!"
"But I love gatherings. Isn't that ironic?"
~Clerks
Quote from: Kaizer
THINGS TO DO:
Get quoted to a sig [ ]

Offline emmet

  • Street Fighter Champion
  • *****
  • Posts: 10636
    • View Profile
Re: Short Stories you've written
« Reply #74 on: February 15, 2009, 05:31:12 pm »
Thanks! Anything I should improve on?
No way dude, you're trolling me.