Author Topic: GalactiNews Current Events!  (Read 36636 times)

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Offline Mr. Consideration

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GalactiNews Current Events!
« on: November 17, 2006, 01:20:48 pm »
This is a thread to help new and returning races, by putting up news and announcements of news, in the guise of a fake news channel. Feel free to update.

GalactiNews. Brought to you by Omicrunch, Omic Meat that doesnt get under your feet![/b][/color]
Hello, Galaxy! This is Cycul Xerum, Your newsreader today on GalactiNews, the Galaxy's best news network.

In Galatic news, The Auyuelcliad Civil War is still ungoing. The return of the reportedly assassinated Cortan Tesilia has calmed fighting between Royalists and Jianists, for now, as Tesilia engages in diplomatic relations. He is supported by the Forthi and the Imperial Urshans, although the Labour have sided with Jiana.

In other news, The Wexxians are back! Having long since gone wandering after the Necromonicon war, they will be returning to a very differnt Galaxy. The great alliances of CAB, O.T.H.E.R, DUP and the SWU have long since slided into decadence and obscurity, leaving many old and rising powes at each others throats in this new era. The Nauceans, Torpals, and ViS, along with many other races,  have long since ceased interference in Galatic Politics to concerntrate on problems closer ot home.


"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." - Oscar Wilde

Yes, I am aware of the irony.

Offline Xarionis

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Re: GalactiNews Current Events!
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2006, 01:28:05 pm »
That's because galactic politics nowadays is all just war. What ever happened to diplomacy and trade? And icecream? where's the icecream?

Offline Mr. Consideration

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Re: GalactiNews Current Events!
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2006, 01:33:57 pm »
That's because galactic politics nowadays is all just war. What ever happened to diplomacy and trade? And icecream? where's the icecream?
There is peace in most of the Galaxy- it's just that the various wars are influencing and causing each other. We are in a period of war and instability, like the Napoleonic Wars caused war and instability in Europe.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." - Oscar Wilde

Yes, I am aware of the irony.

Offline SimGameFan

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Re: GalactiNews Current Events!
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2006, 01:44:36 pm »
*ahem* We have just recieved reports of an unusually large number of nuclear explosions near Sector T-67. It has been theorized that an Anti-matter Tanker has ruptured and is causing the explosions, due to the radiation signatures picked up by passing ships.

In other news, SPAM has been found by scientists to be self-replicating. In an attempt to ward off a possible threat from multiplying SPAM, there will be no more posts on events in Sector T-67 anywhere.

Now back to you, Cycul.

Offline Josasa

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Re: GalactiNews Current Events!
« Reply #4 on: November 17, 2006, 01:49:03 pm »
Breaking NewsIt has been reported that a largescale uprising has occured on Gorgan. While the hostilities have been ongoing ever since the latest rebellion, those were few and far between. The Gorgians seem to be armed with what appears to be Yunimius weapons, although no conclusive data is at hand.

In other news, possibilities of peace have sprung up between Jiana, the Yunimius, and Tesilis, the Auyuelcliad. While nothing has come out of these rumors, it could advance into further stages such as a cease fire. More news when we get it.

Offline Daan

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Re: GalactiNews Current Events!
« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2006, 03:19:21 pm »
Special Notice
Her Imperial Majesty Queen Jiana, Mother of Ulis and the Crown-Prince Casmuet Nihiili Morr of Nihiilidor, regent of Auyuelciadia, Arch-duchess of Seductress, Viscountess of the Capitol, Fine-Mistress of Trade and Welfare, Princess of Nihiilidor, has announced today that she will abdicate within a year. Recent events in the Seream such as the arrival of the Unionist Spear of the Unspoken Death, have made it clear that Queen Jiana wishes peace above all other matters. She has publically stated she wishes to establish a federation between the Auyuelcliads and the Yunimius, and possibly the Thoons and Urshans, all under a single constitution. Her Imperial Majesty has declared she has two possible heirs to her position as regent. Among them are the notable Biar Csull, and the renowned Cortan Tesilia. More information has been said to be released shortly.

Offline a14gt

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Re: GalactiNews Current Events!
« Reply #6 on: November 17, 2006, 04:02:14 pm »
your time has come
     welcome to your universal bounty list, now on universal news, todays bounties
Targe-Torpal-$200,050-careful
Riagom-Matarissan-$5,000
Hype Tosh-Anubian(now considered a criminal)-$1,000,000-extream caution
Yion-omic-$1,000
Gorg-Torpal-$6,000

try and stay alive
Bow down fool. HAHAHA!

Offline Josasa

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Re: GalactiNews Current Events!
« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2006, 04:29:18 pm »
News FlashIt has been reported that the offer of Mutual Protection Pact from the Forthi to the Auyuelcliads has been offered. While there has been no response yet, this could be a major step forward in galactic civilization.

Offline sltlamina

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Re: GalactiNews Current Events!
« Reply #8 on: November 17, 2006, 05:20:14 pm »
Breaking News[/b][/i][/u][/size]

Several Dozen stars that are not very far Into there life time have randomly went supernova. Rumor has It some species out there Is choosing habited solar systems to test weapons on stars. Any updates about either the race or other stars seeming to go supernova should be reported Immediately. All of "High Zyyo" Recommend that you set up solar defence systems Immediately.

Other News[/b][/i][/u][/size]

In other completely unrelated news that Is In no way related whatsoever and If you think It Is you're dumb. Buy new Zyyo brand "Solar Spheres" (there name for Dyson spheres cos obviously they don't call 'em dyson spheres) Come on check out these low low prices...why did we say low twice...because It's lower than the cheapest prices out there

Extra Small (covers between 1-4 planets): $76000000000000 (76 Trillion Dollars)
Small (covers 4-8 planets): $192000000000000 (192 Trillion Dollars)
Medium (covers 8-12 planets): $300000000000000 (300 Trillion Dollars)
Large (covers 12+ planets): $427000000000000 (427 Trillion Dollars)
XL (Used for solar systems with a large star or a very large amount of planets): 1000000000000000 (1 Quadrillion Dollars)

Extra Small-Medium come with added extras such as "Livable Inside Surface"

So come on buy now...cheapest prices In the galaxy...and metal stronger that ever thought possible

Trust Zyyo ;)

Offline Krakow Sam

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Re: GalactiNews Current Events!
« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2006, 05:27:50 pm »
In Extragalactic news, it is rumored that recent ViS transdimensional experiments may have caused living beings from beyond our own universe to manifest in this reality. Eyewitnesses describe a huge tapering metal spacecraft. All vessels in the area of the last sighting of this alien 'mothership' have picked up strange and unpleasant radio chatter. The alien mothership was last seen heading towards a particularly dense nebula in the Kau cluster. We will bring you more news of this event as it unfolds.
Sam is basically right, he's just cranky.

Offline SimGameFan

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Re: GalactiNews Current Events!
« Reply #10 on: November 17, 2006, 08:30:40 pm »
And now a word from our sponsor:

Naucean: "I'm so bored..."

Torpal: "Me too..."

Renfold: "Hey, I know! Let's prank call alien races!"

Torpal: "How?"

Renfold: "With the new Crank Prank Superluminal Broadcast Dish!"

Announcer: "It's the newest Crank Prank prank call device, the Superluminal Broadcast Dish!"

Renfold: "Just hook it up to your communications system, press the button, and the built-in computer contacts an alien race for you!"

*presses button, then a bit of static is heard*

KOR: //Hello? Are you much wanting to talk?//

Renfold: *ahem* "Excuse me, sir. Is your refridgerator running?"

KOR: //Yes it is very running, thank you. It is much more running then your primitive food-cooler-box.//

Naucean: "Then you'd better go catch it!"

*all three prank callers laugh*

KOR: //What? You dare humorize the KOR! You will be explodited by our mighty spaceboatships! Good day.// *hangs up*

Announcer: "The new Crank Prank Superluminal Broadcast Dish! From Wizzowow Toys."
(fast voice) "Wizzowow Toys is not responsible for invaded planets, destroyed star systems or enslaved races caused by prank calling aggressive alien races. All featured alien races are copyright to their original owners. The Crank Prank Superluminal Broadcast Dish requires two AA batteries, not included."
« Last Edit: November 20, 2006, 12:44:43 pm by SimGameFan »

Offline sltlamina

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Re: GalactiNews Current Events!
« Reply #11 on: November 17, 2006, 08:47:31 pm »
Remains of an alien race recently discovered

Title says all. Remains of a strange bipedal alien race were discovered mere hours ago.

The race seemed to live on a world mostly covered In water. It was the 3rd planet from there star which Is a G class star. They seem to have destroyed themselves In the "prime" of their species lifetime. A huge ballistic weapons station was discovered on It. And It Is destined to launch at the first target It saw...which I'm afraid to say has returned to the galactic space station.

We can't turn It off until we get the off switch working which need 2 AA batteries and a D battery. Anyone who may happen to own some must report directly to your nearest space station.

The planet and the rest of It's system...Including the star will be auctioned In 2 days on ubay. Bids for the planet start at 4 trillion dollars or buy It now for 20 Trillion. The Whole system Is also for auction and buy It now so If you're a keen Investor then make sure to check It out.

Shipping fees are 14 billion dollars. Security Is also 14 billion, we do not ship on weekends or holidays.

Offline SimGameFan

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Re: GalactiNews Current Events!
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2006, 09:33:40 pm »
We'll be right back after another word for our sponsors:

*some sort of hovercar is seen flying through a narrow canyon perfectly*

Announcer: "Introducing the new LT 980, with auto-pilot and electronic stability control."

*it is seen dooing a barrel roll and stopping diagonally to the camera*

Announcer: "The new LT 980, from Nexus"

And we're back. In a recent study by ViS scientists, it has been discovered that when robots and computers are given Artificial Intelligence, that they will turn on their creators in up to 76% of all cases. The results were constructed from data surrounding various AIs created between 1968 and 2001.

Offline sltlamina

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Re: GalactiNews Current Events!
« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2006, 09:41:03 pm »
New studies shown by the Zyyo about the Vis study show that most robots can't theoretically take over any planet as most makers are looking Into how to better fireproof them and such things like that and as a result forget to water proof them. Word of advice from most races.

Never waterproof robots.

Frooooom thhhhe...SPACE POPE! *pic of the space pope comes on screen

Also In more Important news the artificially created boogyman escaped from the Intergalactic prison last night...more on this and tonights top stories when we return.

*space pope*

Offline operaghost21

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Re: GalactiNews Current Events!
« Reply #14 on: November 17, 2006, 09:50:48 pm »
Results of Classified Research Project to be Revealed
by Wiyou Sh'Klag

In recent times, the glorious Torpal Empire has caused much less destruction than the galaxy has been used to. Well, details are starting to emerge of their goings-on. For the past few hundred years, it turns out, the Torpal Empire has been working on an undertaking of unimaginable proportions. Full details have not yet been released, but sources say that a massive investiagtion has been in the works, and the project is nearly finished. Results are to be published for the inhabitants of the galaxy shortly thereafter.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2006, 10:11:11 am by operaghost21 »
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