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Offline Krakow Sam

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #30 on: March 14, 2006, 07:04:40 am »
Oooh, I'm willing at some point.


A topic like: "Flicking peas at people with a spoon should be illegal" might be good.
Sam is basically right, he's just cranky.

Offline PatMan33

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #31 on: March 14, 2006, 02:24:34 pm »
So, PatMan What would be the average wingspan of a normal American Cantalope?

Roughly two millimeters.

However there is a known archetype that has a wingspan of thirty feet. But we won;t discuss that.

To help begin my argument I will direct your attention to subject one...



You will notice point 1. The size and shape of the fruit in question. It has somewhat of an egglike shape which provides for a good pitch and yaw while in flight.

Point 2 directs you to the divits on the surface which will allow for good airflow around the fruit and giving it spin which will aid in its overall distance traveled and accuracy.


As you can see, the fruit CLEARLY demonstrates optimal shape and texture to move through the air with the greatest of ease.





Additionally...

Kaze, I will take you down to Chinatown.


My door is open, so you can bring it any day of the week!

 :-*

Offline Kaze

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #32 on: March 14, 2006, 11:04:38 pm »
I'm much more inclined to debate things that are serious, but I'll have a go.

It is important to note first off, that the American Cantelope is delicious, and contains many mystical, strength enhancing properties. Like spinage to Popeye The Sailor Man, cantelope jacks up jocks in the same way Bawls fuels LAN nerds on their 72 hour gaming marathons.

It is also important to note that the American Cantelope cannot travel the distance in question (500m) without external influence. And I quote;
Oh, this Cantaloupe will fly on its own.


However, it may require a cannon or a really big hill.
Ergo, even if it is only external influence that will always stop it from reaching the required distance when a suitable velocity is attained, it can still be concluded that the American Cantelope cannot actually fly 500 miles.

At this point you are probably wondering what in the hell I opened with. Well you see kids, at the dawn of time a man was born, one so profusely powerful he roundhouse kicked his way out of his own mothers womb, and unbeknownst to all but a chosen few, this man feeds like a crazed cannibal on cantelope.

When you have someone this desperate for the fruit in question, it is plain to see that any flying cantelope will be noticed and consequently intercepted. I am prepaired to unveil today, one of very few photographs catching Chuck in action. This one in Taiwan, when an individual whose identity I cannot release attempted to launch an American Cantelope off of the Taipei 101. Please note that Chuck had no idea this was going to take place, and was actually on another side of the world, teaching kids the roundhouse kick, and proclaiming it to be the most efficient kick in existence when the Cantelope took off. For your information, Chuck uses an advanced roundhouse kick for propulsion.



So you see, Chuck Norris is the one man Strategic Defense Initiative of American Cantelopes. Unfaltering he is.

edit* the stupid spellchecker changed spinage to spinnaker
« Last Edit: March 15, 2006, 12:09:26 am by Kaze »

Offline PatMan33

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #33 on: March 15, 2006, 12:05:12 pm »
I will have to cite a rather large oversight in your entire argument.

Chuck Norris was in fact born in 1940, many years after the time that you CLAIM he was born. Therefore all information beyond that point is null and void.


The truth is that a cantaloupe can indeed fly 500 miles in the proper weather conditions even if it has not been aided by a cannon-like device (However a device like this should clearly be used if at all possible). The way it works can be explained in four simple steps...

1) The cantaloupe, residing high up in its treetop kingdom is jostled and begins its descent toward earth.

2) At this point a rather large bird knocks said fruit off its earth bound course and it precedes to roll.

3) During this roll, the cantaloupe will slowly gather an outward force emanating from the center.

4) The fruit will either hit a ramplike rock or some kind of hill and be sent off into the sky where, assisted by the rotation of the fruit and the ourward pushing momentum, will fly at the very least, 500 miles.



Also, spell "cantaloupe" correct people.


 :-*

Offline sgore

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #34 on: March 15, 2006, 01:10:42 pm »
 :D (This is a fun debate)
Ok, Just To Clarify, Kaze Took over for 762 since he decided to postpone his playing
What meme is relevant right now? Look, just imagine I'm riffing on that. Updating signatures is exhausting.

Sam:The Ploofy Master

Offline PatMan33

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #35 on: March 15, 2006, 01:14:59 pm »
She took over?

Looks more like she barged in. And now I will have to destroy her.

I know I can pull more out of my ass than she can. I just know it!

 :-*

Offline Kaze

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #36 on: March 15, 2006, 02:18:06 pm »
Chuck Norris was in fact born in 1940, many years after the time that you CLAIM he was born. Therefore all information beyond that point is null and void.
If I were in PatMan33's desperate position I might feel compelled to do as he did, and nullify his entire argument by making a blanket statement and doing the following;

There is a rather large oversight in your entire argument as well.

The cantaloupe resides on the ground, not high up in a treetop kingdom, henceforth, the rest of your text was simply fanatical, and sits on the crazy side of the line that separates the logical and the sane with delusions of grandeur.

Simply put, no matter how the cantaloupe achieves the required velocity, Chuck Norris will always be there to intercept it. Of course, to accept this, your feeble mind must first be able to comprehend the dawn of time. You see, the world was created around Chuck Norris. A history was written, memories were placed, everything required to make us believe that Chuck Norris was not the beginning of time. Woefully, at the expense of your spirits, I regret to inform you that all of us, the birds, the trees, every single person, is a pawn in the game of a God who favors Chuck Norris above all else. Since Chuck has God on his side, what does that leave the cantaloupe? Despair people, despair. Ironically, by the end of this debacle, PatMan33 will also have nothing else to cling to.

Do not let this insidious man infest your mind and intrude upon your long standing sensibilities, readers, Kirstie Alley could fly further than a cantaloupe.

In fact, it just so happens we put this notion through the rigors of scientific analysis.



Mind you, there were numerous witnesses, as you can plainly see, to ensure a fair playing field for both contestants. So in summation I will reiterate the following directed toward the notion that a cantaloupe could fly 500 miles, only in dreams. And no, that isn't a Weezer reference.

Peace peeps,
  --K

PS- I didn't barge in, you taunted me in.

Offline crippits

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #37 on: March 15, 2006, 02:29:05 pm »
*stands in ovation* You get him Kaze!


Bow before the Llamas! They demand your respect!

Offline Krakow Sam

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #38 on: March 15, 2006, 02:40:34 pm »
If I might interject. As a professor of Fructology from the University of Blackpool it is my professional opinion that the decrease in melon flight velocity in recent years bears direct correlation to the number of movies based on 1960s sitcoms. Both the debatants seem to be grasping at flawed logic. The question is not 'can a melon fly?' but 'what really goes in aeroplane fruit salad?'
Sam is basically right, he's just cranky.

Offline PatMan33

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #39 on: March 15, 2006, 02:49:14 pm »
Look at this picture people:




Now, for all of you still paying attention, you will have noticed that "Kaze" as she calls herself, is stuck in the past. As most "hip" people know, the "Chuck Norris" "fad" ended "months" ago. She can not let go of the fanatical view that Chuck Norris is some kind of god! After that whole television appearance in which Chuck began reading facts about himself, we all knew the fad was dead. But this silly person sticks to her beliefs.

Can a person who has such a diehard belief in such a silly thing really be capable of presenting to you, a valid and just argument? The simple answer is no.



She also states that,
Kirstie Alley could fly further than a cantaloupe.

Which we all know is impossible. Even in her warped state of reality Kaze can agree that that was a bit of a mistake on her part.

I mean... to suggest that Kirstie Alley... hah! Farther than a cantaloupe!


Anyway, we have now learned how the cantaloupe reaches its required speed, be it from a tree or from some lowly ground hugging plant. Next we will look at the structure of a cantaloupe and discover how it keeps its speed for the required flight time of three and a half seconds.



If you will look at point one you will see a rather thick orange mass in the middle of the fruit. This is the juicy part that people eat and enjoy. This also serves a second purpose though, it (through a massive array of printed circuits) holds in all that kinetic energy and keeps the fruit flying far and long.

Point four as you can see, is the core of the fruit. This spins in the opposite direction of the rest of the fruit and will create what some people know as an "Anti gravitational attraction" between it and the earth (Or whatever body the cantaloupe is flying over) and will give the fruit the required distance.

Point five is the outer shell and that keeps the fruit from breaking and birds from eating it while it is in flight.


As you can clearly see, this "woman" has got the wrong idea about this noble fruit. It can clearly fly at least 500 miles on its on accord and I would even trust it with my children (If I had any).





P.S.

I didn't taunt you at all. You silly silly girl. SILLY GIRL SILLY GIRL SILLY GIRL!

 ;)



And don't take her side just because she has boobs. I could have them too if I ate more. Think about that!
« Last Edit: March 15, 2006, 02:53:06 pm by PatMan33 »

Offline Kaze

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #40 on: March 15, 2006, 04:32:09 pm »

Okay, lets get something straight right now. What you do in your private life is all fine an dandy, and it's cool if you're still clinging to the past like Vanilla Ice, but I think I speak on behalf of this forums entire readerbase when I say, we don't want to see pictures of it.

One thing you'll learn about Kaze, is that she isn't into fads. What's in and what's out is of no importance. Abercrombie or Goodwill? Who cares! Kaze isn't superficial like Some people are.

Chuck Norris isn't some kind of God, oh no, I never said that, either. Only that God created the world around him. I provided in reply #34 photographic evidence, and as anyone who is well versed in photomanipulation will tell you, that is a real, unaltered photograph. The same can be said for Kirstie Alley's part in this play, the photodocumented expirement speaks for itself. And even if it didn't, the countless spandex sporting spectators most certainly would... I better get alliteration points for that one.

All PatMan33 is providing you are cheaply drawn diagrams with "factual evidence" that cannot be backed. My five year old daughter could be more convincing. Where are these flying cantaloupes? Who can honestly raise their hand and say, "Yes, I have seen a cantaloupe fly 500 miles?" And in asking that, those confined to mental insituations and pyschiatric wards are exempt from reply. There is no one. You want to know why? It isn't because of their speed. They don't do so under cover of night, or by making use of a mystical cloaking device, they simply don't do it. Period.

I have prepaired the following to help you, the reader, realize for yourself that flying cantaloupes are a concoction of wild imaginations. Please study this diagram;

Here we have myself (Kaze), the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause, and a flying American Cantaloupe, placed equidistant the 100 dollar bill that lies in the middle of the intersection. Now, if the four were to race for the money, who would get there first?

*cue Jeopardy music*

If you guessed, Kaze, you were correct. Can anyone tell me why? Anyone at all? No?... that's okay. I will tell you why. Because the other three are figments of your imagination!

And no, I didn't steal that from a bad Ben Affleck movie about lesbians.

This "nobel fruit," as PatMan33 so eloquently put it, was engineered by the W. Atlee Burpee Company and introduced in 1881. For those who may not be in the know, the immediate families of both Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, and Jerry Baldwin, one of three founders of Starbucks, can be tracked back to the W. Atlee Burpee Company. These money hungry mongers made the American Cantaloupe not out of a passionate love for delectable fruits, but in a quixotic frenzy for finanical gain. Make no mistake, there is nothing nobel about avarice. The American Cantaloupe itself was molded in its makers image, as mentioned in design document #666. This fruit is vile and evil, contemptuous and crafty, do not fall victim to its influence, as PatMan33 clearly has.

The American Cantaloupe is as useless as a stereotypical politican. I did not want to have to resort to this, but you've left me little choice. Indeed, the cantaloupe is no more than a puppet playing a part in Microsoft's latest plan for world domination. I leave you with the following still, from a secretly recorded Microsoft board meeting as evidence. The man himself, Bill Gates, is seated at the table's head. Captions have been provided in place of the audio stream.


Offline PatMan33

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #41 on: March 15, 2006, 04:51:05 pm »
Your pictures are quite entertaining, but they fail to help your case.

First off, I must make note of your "photographic evidence".

After weeks of testing, my team and I discovered that her "Rare photo" of Norris blocking a cantaloupe is nothing but a fake!

After hitting it with x-rays and gamma rays and the like we discovered this in a lower layer of the picture...






This can only mean that her photographic evidence (That which she bases her entire argument around) is fabricated!


Yes ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Kaze has fabricated her entire case and defiled a priceless work of art at the same time!


Her ambition knows no bounds! She insists on resurrecting her demon god and enslaving us all!



But I digress, maybe the cantaloupe can not fly 500 miles, maybe ducks can't swim, maybe Pennsylvania was airlifted into the middle of the Atlantic in 1989 after secceding from the Union!


Or maybe the cantaloupe is the only thing standing in her way to total domination of the world!!! Yes! Maybe this fruit has been keeping her and her cronies from resurrecting the Dark Lord all this time!

By trying to prove that this fruit can not fly, she will wipe from your minds that simple fact, and once you have all forgotten that cantaloupe can fly she will make her move and enslave us all! And we will not be able to do anything because we no longer know how the cantaloupe, the Dark Lord's only weakness, can fly.



Think of the children, please, think of the children. Do we want them to suffer?


If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.

The defense rests.

Offline Kaze

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #42 on: March 15, 2006, 05:38:25 pm »
Alright, I confess, the photograph of Chuck Norris intercepting a cantaloupe was faked, but it was for good reason. Simply put, the release of a photograph of that nature would eventuate in an international incident, the likes of which the world has never seen. Contrary to the calumny conveyed by PatMan33 that might suggest that would benefit me, I am not interested in world domination. Honestly, do I even look like I am capable of world domination? I'll answer that for you... no. I couldn't take over a damn bowl of Jello.

Pennsylvania's succession and Dark Lords? These are the meanderings of mad man, nothing more.

And think of the children? that is perhaps the most ironic sentiment in the wider context of PatMan33's own verbosity. What happens when these flying cantaloupes peg small children in the head? Or their innocent mothers and fathers going about their daily lives? What is daddy supposed to tell little Jimmy? "Sorry sonny, mommy's not coming home tonight, her head was turned into a thin red mist when she stepped in front of a cantaloupe traveling at 525,000 miles per hour?" Think of the children you say? Give me a break. If it weren't for Chuck Norris out there protecting the people like the living legend that he is, Microsoft would have eradicated all of humanity long ago. He is to the flying cantaloupe as kryptonite is to Superman. He dodges rocket-propelled grenades and breaks power lines with his bear hands. He's a gentle man, with a soft touch, a mean kick, and his own special brand of diplomacy... and that's just what it says on the box for one of his movies. The speed hacking cantaloupes better start whining for the nerf stick to come out, they're gonna need all the help they can get.

Offline PatMan33

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #43 on: March 15, 2006, 05:52:13 pm »
This, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is NOT a case about how great Chuck Norris is!

This is a cast about wheather or not a cantaloupe can fly at least 500 miles in the proper light weather conditions! And these cantaloupe do not peg children, they land nowhere near children. The whole reason cantaloupe fly is because they are trying to feed starving people in Africa! Think about it, why else would they bother making the long migration?

Are you saying Kaze, that you would rather the people of Africa go without the nourishment that the cantaloupe brings!? For shame Kaze, for shame.

Look at Marvin here:

He is from Africa and over there they do not get much nourishment. But thanks to the cantaloupe's decision to fly there, now they get all the nourishment they need!


That is the ultimate goal of out lope-ed friends; to feed the masses in Africa and help keep the world together.


And tell me, who would want to put a stop to that?

Offline Kaze

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Re: Debate That! (If you can)
« Reply #44 on: March 15, 2006, 06:20:31 pm »
Well, this will be post number five for me, in accordance with the rules of the game, it is to be my last. (unless I am mistaken. We can keep going, but I have this feeling that it will never end)

Mindless propaganda, all of it. We've been told by PatMan33 himself that the cantaloupe travels 500 miles in three and a half seconds. This means that a cantaloupe travels at 525,000 miles per hour. Could a cantaloupe really avoid hitting someone when traveling at 525,000 miles per hour? Of course not. We've already seen the cantaloupe broken down into its functional parts, it has no ability to control its velocity in flight. Do not be fooled by the lies, cantaloupes take people out like the baseball that kills Ian Michael Smith's fake mother (played by Ashley Judd) in Simon Birch.

Also note that no ability for these cantaloupes to stop was outlined. This means that upon reaching its destination, the cantaloupe will simply disintegrate. Even a caveman can realize this. And as this isn't a Geico commercial, there are no cavemen around to take offense to that.

These cantaloupes aren't feeding a damn thing, PatMan33's imagination aside. Marvin is just a part of the propaganda machine. Flying cantaloupes are more akin to Nazis than Mother Teresa. I don't know about you, but I'm no supporter of Nazis.

My aim has been and will continue to be the assurance that no cantaloupe ever flies 500 miles. For humanity's sake, I will remain ever vigilant. I hope you all can see that due to my steadfast efforts, along with the aide of great heroes like Chuck Norris, the American Cantaloupe is incapable of flying 500 miles, and to imagine a world where cantaloupes were free to fly as they please, would be a frightening and bleak one indeed.

Good day, world.

  --K