Author Topic: Thy Gloriouse Adventures of Fredo the Halfling Bard  (Read 4544 times)

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Offline Gauphastus

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Thy Gloriouse Adventures of Fredo the Halfling Bard
« on: March 18, 2012, 05:51:29 pm »
EDIT: Oh right. I should probably mention that this was some retard DnD I did with Celdur. Spur of the moment thing.
Here's a map I drew of the proceedings (just so I could keep track of wtf I was even doing, and even then.. yeah)
I am a professional DM, artist, and writer. You cannot match me in ability.


So Fredo, son of a terrible bastard chaotic evil halfling-half-orc wizard who loved him dearly but not very well, decides to leave the ever-burning town of Junk, a miserable place repeatedly destroyed by said terrible bastard wizard.
He steps outside for a moment to gaze upon the cinders of the nearby buildings. He yearns for adventure in brighter and better places.
Entering his home, he packs some lousy foodstuffs, such as banana peels, orange peels, and that's pretty much it. Because you see, Junk is an awful town, and as the name implies, is mostly composed of a lot of garbage.

Getting more to the point, he sets forth on his adventure, first taking a six-hour trip through the woods to the south.
He finds himself looking upon a field whereupon two armies have met for a scheduled battle of some sort, an army of humans versus an army of skeletons.
And two nether dragons for some reason whatever those even are.

Casting a spell to conjure an oboe, he begins to play a song, which annoys some of the skeleton army. Three of them break off from the main camp to approach him.
He also casts ghost sound of an oboe where he stood, creating a sort of strange magical duet.
This annoys additional skeletons, three more to be specific, who approach a short ways behind the first skeleton party of three.

Encounter!
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzTFuk87GeQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzTFuk87GeQ</a>

Fredo thought quickly and cast prestidigitation upon the skeleton with the tophat, changing his skull from bone white to pink.
This annoyed the skeleton causing him to throw down his now mismatched tophat in disgust, as well as the dagger he apparently had.
Their leader gone, the remaining two skeletons had become confused and frightened. Fredo continues on his merry way having acquired the tophat and dagger.

The second skeleton trio simply walked past Fredo toward the strange ghost sound. Oboes seem to get their goat.

Continuing further south past the armies, beyond the mountain pass, he finds a generic town with no name.
He enters the tavern and inquires to the tavernkeep regarding local work.
"Take a cart of food to the army in the north."
"Okay."

So Fredo takes a cart north, to the mountain pass, and encounters a disheveled old bandit man.
He demands a ration from the cart, as he is starving. Fredo obliges one ration from the cart.
The man gets greedy however and insists on receiving more than just the one ration from the cart.
Fredo sings a song of persuasion to the man, instantly winning him over to the side of good, perhaps saving him from his life of poverty, thievery, disheveledness, devilry, and other assorted things in that regard.

The man eats the ration.

The cart is successfully delivered to the human encampment, at which point a guardsman informs Fredo that their commander appears to be missing, perhaps lost in the woods to the north.
Fredo agrees to search for their captain and heads to the woods to the north. Looking closely, he discerns signs of scuffle shuffle all over. He soon finds the captain and his two best men, and kindly informs them that they are being missed by their army.
The beggar that had been following Fredo stumbles into the scene from the woods and is immediately slain by one of the commander's men.
Fredo is mildly upset at this turn of events. "You have killed my man!"
"He was but a beggar and bandit scum. I recognized his face."
"But I had changed his disposition by way of song!"
"One cannot be changed in such a way. You are a foolish halfling bard."

The captain scolds his man for his presumption and orders an immediate burial.
He approaches Fredo, "Apologies! I shall return posthaste! For your difficulties, I award you a pouch of 20 gold coins. Nay, that is retarded. Instead, I award you a pouch of but 2 silver coins, and 50 copper coins."
"Thank you."

Fredo returns to the tavern in the southern town, asking the tavernkeep for any more work.
"Nay, I have not work for thou. Goest to thy human encampment for further career opportunities, as a great battle is due to commence."

Fredo returns to the encampment, meeting with the commander who has also returned to the encampment too.
"I have but one job for you, as a backup shuffler. This battle will be grand and I am confident we will succeed against the undead army and two random nether dragons for some reason."
"Alright."

Noon, the next day, two small parties meet in the middle: on the human side, Fredo, the commander, and his two men. On the undead side, some more of this.
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzTFuk87GeQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzTFuk87GeQ</a>
The battle begins!

The commander and his men begin to shuffle mightily. Fredo casts a ghost sound, some awesome distortion guitar tunes as accompaniment, and also begins to shuffle.
The skeletons shuffle and dance as well with, but even more mightily than the commander and his men.
"We must not lose! Take the lead, Fredo! I will gather the army!" the commander shouts as he retreats.
Fredo takes the lead but is not very skilled in the ways of the dance. One of the commander's men grumbles at him, "You fool! You are a bard and yet you are not very skilled in the ways of the dance!"

The armies meet, skeletons and humans begin pairing off, and the dance changes to a waltz for flavor. It was a mighty waltz indeed.
Fredo cast ghost sound to change the ghost sound to oboe, remembering that it would tend to get the goat of skeletons.
However, this caused the skeleton army to throw down their tophats in disgust and disperse, the War of the Dance coming to a miserable close.

"You fool! That was cheating! Please vacate from my sight. The battle is over."
"Alright."

Fredo returns home, the fires died down, mostly char and homeless people remain.
His terrible bastard father asks him where he has been for all this time. "None of your business!" Fredo replies. Their relationship is strained and rather tired.
"That's not very nice. You know I love you, though not very well. You see, I have been busy myself gathering food for our home. I'd like you to do something for me in return; I am beset by adventurers from faraway lands who wish to defeat me, for I am a terrible bastard. They are hiding to the north at a clearing that's shaped like a heart I guess."
"Alright."

Fredo searches northward for these adventures, and discovers that they are robed men with dark skin, clearly from a land of desert and blacks.
"Leave my dad alone! He is dead and I am in mourning." Fredo demands of them.
"Alright, we'll leave but we're waiting on our scout. Please find him."
"Alright."

Fredo searches the town and finds the scout in one of the burned out buildings applying first aid to victims of his terrible bastard father.
"Leave my dad alone! He is dead and I am in mourning."
"Alright."

He then returns home and goes to bed for the night, with delightful dreams of oboes and fantastic lands of adventure.
Surely he will one day visit himself upon such places.

The end.
« Last Edit: March 18, 2012, 06:26:25 pm by Gauphastus »


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Offline PatMan33

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Re: Thy Gloriouse Adventures of Fredo the Halfling Bard
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2012, 06:08:43 pm »
GAUPH WHAT

Offline Gauphastus

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Re: Thy Gloriouse Adventures of Fredo the Halfling Bard
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2012, 06:19:05 pm »
Edited the OP. Apparently I neglected to mention that this was some spur of the moment session of DnD Celdur and I did. I was the DM.
Never done this before. Thought we'd share the tales of adventure, hardship, and ultimate victory.
"Ma all the gods of furious strong be with you as you crunch opposents, and live like a windrammer as you f**k."
       ~Ricky Wangstrom

Offline Inkling

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Re: Thy Gloriouse Adventures of Fredo the Halfling Bard
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2012, 08:44:13 pm »


Go on.
Probably not a Goat, either.


Offline martyk

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Re: Thy Gloriouse Adventures of Fredo the Halfling Bard
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2012, 09:14:39 am »
« Last Edit: March 20, 2012, 12:32:06 am by Oviraptor »
Quote from: Doctor Zay
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This dolphin is delicious.
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Offline Celdur

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« Last Edit: March 20, 2012, 12:33:12 am by Oviraptor »

Quote from: Krakow sam
That quote is actualy very witty, Celdur. I suggest you use that in your signature.

Offline Gnoll

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Re: Thy Gloriouse Adventures of Fredo the Halfling Bard
« Reply #6 on: July 01, 2012, 07:07:45 pm »
This... this cheered me up.
Who are you again and why in the world would you expect anything resembling rationality or civility in youtube comments?