Author Topic: Crack-A-joke  (Read 42964 times)

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Offline Darth Grievi

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #60 on: April 14, 2009, 05:42:35 pm »
A professional football player has the day off and is casually walking down the street when he smells smoke. He hurries around the corner to find a woman and her child trapped on the third floor of a burning building!

"My baby! My baby!" the woman cries, desperately searching for a way down.

The football player shouts to her, "Lady! Throw down your baby! I can catch him!"

"No you can't! You'll miss and drop him!"

By now a crowd has gathered, and the firemen are on their way. The football player shouts up, "Lady, trust me! I'm a professional football player! I will catch your baby!"

The woman finally agrees and throws her baby out the window. He falls, and the football player catches him safely in his arms. The croud cheers! The woman breathes a sigh of relief!

Then the football player yells out "TOUCHDOWN!" and slams the baby into the ground!

Horrible, I know. But you're the ones posting dead baby jokes!

Offline Dwight

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #61 on: April 14, 2009, 05:46:16 pm »
Hey guys! Wanna hear a joke?
WOMEN'S RIGHTS
Just kidding , don't strike me down Lady M... or Little.
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Offline HanianKnight

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #62 on: April 14, 2009, 05:50:00 pm »
Wanna hear a bigger joke than Women's Rights?

60 foot tall Women's Rights!
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Offline Neoadept

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #63 on: April 14, 2009, 05:56:24 pm »
So I'd just got my license and I'm driving a friend to work.

Now, because I'd put off getting a license for awhile, my friend says:  "Funny, you never struck me as a driver."

My immediate response?

"I certainly struck that pedestrian as a driver!"
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Offline huggkruka

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #64 on: April 15, 2009, 03:39:36 am »
Here's a nice little joke from Gran Torino, as told by Clint Eastwood's character:

"A mexican, a jew, and a colored guy walk into a bar. The bartender says "F*** off"."

End of joke. Old men laugh and grunt and take sips of their beers.

Offline Bona Fide Supraman

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #65 on: April 16, 2009, 08:29:57 am »
I'm just going to post the setup of this baby joke, the punchline it's so off colour it makes the wallpaper curl.

What's the difference between a sandwhich and a baby?

Unfortunately I do know the punchline to that joke...

Here's one:

Two guys are in a jungle when they get captured by a tribe. The tribe leader threatens to kill them, but they plead for their lives. Eventually, the leader gives them a deal, that if they can complete a task then they can go. The first part of the task is to collect 100 of a fruit.

Some time later, the first guy comes back with 100 grapes. The leader says "all these grapes will be shoved up your ar*e, and if you go by without showing any expression, you are free to go."

So they guy bends over, and he's doing well, until on the last grape he bursts out laughing.

The leader says "why did you laugh, there was only one left?"

The guy replies "I couldn't help it, my mate is out there collecting pineapples."
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Offline DarkDragon

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #66 on: April 16, 2009, 08:54:41 am »
What does the cannibal say to his brother while they're eating a clown?

Does this taste funny to you?
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Offline Cow

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #67 on: April 16, 2009, 03:04:18 pm »
Hey, the robot butler in Fallout 3 tells that joke. Pretty funny.

Offline Little

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #68 on: April 17, 2009, 04:07:05 pm »
Hey guys! Wanna hear a joke?
WOMEN'S RIGHTS
Just kidding , don't strike me down Lady M... or Little.

Hey guys! Wanna hear a joke?
WE'RE STEALING YOUR JOBS!
Well, maybe that wasn't a joke!
 :-* :P ::)
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Offline Yannick

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #69 on: April 17, 2009, 08:28:28 pm »
Goddamnit woman.

"It's only your virginity, loosen up!"

Offline Cyst

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #70 on: April 18, 2009, 01:07:47 pm »
What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
The blonde works in the dark!
Code: [Select]
A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.

The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.

She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

Code: [Select]
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Code: [Select]
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

That is all I have.
« Last Edit: April 18, 2009, 01:09:22 pm by Bagder Man 22 »
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Offline Darth Grievi

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #71 on: April 18, 2009, 01:14:26 pm »
How do you keep a blonde busy?

Tell her to alphabetize M&M's or Tell her to sit in the corner --- In a round room

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

She kept throwing out the W's!

Why do blondes hate M&M's?

They're too hard to peel!

Offline Flisch

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #72 on: April 18, 2009, 02:39:14 pm »
How do you keep a blonde busy?
Give her a piece of paper with "Please turn over." written on both sides.
There is, of course, a difference between having a laugh with someone, and having a laugh at their expense

Offline Xeno264

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #73 on: April 18, 2009, 04:47:11 pm »
A man goes to the doctor for a physical.

A little while later the doctor says "Sir, you are going to have to stop masturbating."

The man asks him why.

"Because I'm trying to give you a physical."

Offline Cobra

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Re: Crack-A-joke
« Reply #74 on: April 18, 2009, 08:49:12 pm »
How do you keep a blonde busy?

Give her box of jaffas and ask her to eat the red ones last.

Present her with 3 shovels and ask her to take her pick.