Author Topic: New computer virus' know your enemy!  (Read 17214 times)

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Offline Kaizer

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New computer virus' know your enemy!
« on: January 24, 2009, 06:47:02 pm »
New Viruses on the loose!
Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T virus:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI virus:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Politically Correct virus:
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.


Government Economist virus:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

New World Order virus:
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Federal Bureaucrat virus:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Texas virus:
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve virus:
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Congressional virus:
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Airline virus:
You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian virus:
Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.

Public Television virus:
Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis virus:
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Nike virus:
Just does it.

Congressional virus #2:
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

Star Trek virus:
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Health Care virus:
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.



Offline Grangan

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2009, 06:48:42 pm »
DESTRUCTOR Virus:If your computer is infected with this, it will blow up, killing everyone in your neighborhood, after a five second period during which it sends itself to every computer you have ever sent or recieved email from, or seen or been seen by on the internet.
Twas Brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe, all mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe.

Offline Andrew Ryan

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2009, 07:05:55 pm »
Trickster Virus: Hides and tricks you into thinking there is no virus when actually it is giving out all your info to everyone on the internet!
"Don't worry 'bout me. I wouldn't worry about me. Don't you worry about me. Don't you worry 'bout me!" - Talking Heads, Don't Worry About the Government

Offline UFO King

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2009, 07:19:25 pm »
DeLorean Virus: Gives your computer an electrical shock of 1.21 jigawatts.
I came, I saw, I went back to bed.

Offline Doctor Z

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #4 on: January 24, 2009, 07:21:44 pm »
Ahahahaha... Nice ones, Kaizer.

Where'd you get em?

Offline Kaizer

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2009, 07:30:17 pm »
http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/Funny-Jokes/Computer-Jokes

The internet is for, virus: Causes you to think your computer has safe internet yet whenever someone else goes online they see your porn stash

Offline omegatripod

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2009, 07:55:38 pm »
Godzilla virus: Installs an auto-flaming system onto your computer that targets Japanese forums.

Offline Andrew Ryan

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #7 on: January 24, 2009, 09:10:31 pm »
Esplode virus: Your computer explodes in a shower of metal and plastic.

NOMNOMNOM Virus: Your computer sucks up more and more power from the wall socket until it eventually blows up your fuse box.

"Don't worry 'bout me. I wouldn't worry about me. Don't you worry about me. Don't you worry 'bout me!" - Talking Heads, Don't Worry About the Government

Offline Grazony

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #8 on: January 24, 2009, 10:26:54 pm »
EPIC virus- Makes your computer epically fail at computering.

You'll never know why.
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Offline munchkin5

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #9 on: January 25, 2009, 04:32:51 am »
Gypsy Virus: Arrives on your computer sells half your useful files on ebay and leaves a pile of useless files when it leaves 2 weeks after your antivirus started trying to delete it.

Offline Plank of Wood

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #10 on: January 25, 2009, 04:36:52 am »
British Liscensing Virus - You may still use your virus if you get a liscense for it and must mount a CCTV camera on it.
the real saviour of this forum

Offline SBD

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #11 on: January 25, 2009, 08:14:52 am »
Kevin Rudd Virus: makes all the words in text documents bigger for no reason, furthermore it makes your computer seem like it's working fine but nothing is actually being done.

Offline Grazony

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #12 on: January 25, 2009, 08:41:28 am »
Obama Virus: Yes We Can and Change appears on the monitor randomly.

*fun fact* ( Did you know that spell check doesn't count Obama as a real word or name)

You'll never know why.
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Son, I have seen some unbelievable things in my time, but I have never seen a Texan with a robotic chainsaw fist kill a gun-slinging dinosaur by punching it in the head. ~The Soldier

Offline legojedij

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #13 on: January 25, 2009, 11:12:56 am »
Chuck Norris virus: causes computer to roundhouse kick its self till it breaks

Einstein virus: causes computer to do nothing but complex equations till it crashes

Offline Veraal

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #14 on: January 25, 2009, 12:01:58 pm »
ObamaVirus.Exe: Changes several random things in your computer, sometimes it might benefit you.