Author Topic: New computer virus' know your enemy!  (Read 17326 times)

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Offline Kaizer

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New computer virus' know your enemy!
« on: January 24, 2009, 06:47:02 pm »
New Viruses on the loose!
Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T virus:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI virus:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Politically Correct virus:
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.


Government Economist virus:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

New World Order virus:
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Federal Bureaucrat virus:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Texas virus:
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve virus:
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Congressional virus:
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Airline virus:
You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian virus:
Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.

Public Television virus:
Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis virus:
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Nike virus:
Just does it.

Congressional virus #2:
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

Star Trek virus:
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Health Care virus:
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.



Offline Grangan

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2009, 06:48:42 pm »
DESTRUCTOR Virus:If your computer is infected with this, it will blow up, killing everyone in your neighborhood, after a five second period during which it sends itself to every computer you have ever sent or recieved email from, or seen or been seen by on the internet.
Twas Brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe, all mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe.

Offline Andrew Ryan

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2009, 07:05:55 pm »
Trickster Virus: Hides and tricks you into thinking there is no virus when actually it is giving out all your info to everyone on the internet!
"Don't worry 'bout me. I wouldn't worry about me. Don't you worry about me. Don't you worry 'bout me!" - Talking Heads, Don't Worry About the Government

Offline UFO King

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2009, 07:19:25 pm »
DeLorean Virus: Gives your computer an electrical shock of 1.21 jigawatts.
I came, I saw, I went back to bed.

Offline Doctor Z

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #4 on: January 24, 2009, 07:21:44 pm »
Ahahahaha... Nice ones, Kaizer.

Where'd you get em?

Offline Kaizer

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2009, 07:30:17 pm »
http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/Funny-Jokes/Computer-Jokes

The internet is for, virus: Causes you to think your computer has safe internet yet whenever someone else goes online they see your porn stash

Offline omegatripod

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2009, 07:55:38 pm »
Godzilla virus: Installs an auto-flaming system onto your computer that targets Japanese forums.

Offline Andrew Ryan

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #7 on: January 24, 2009, 09:10:31 pm »
Esplode virus: Your computer explodes in a shower of metal and plastic.

NOMNOMNOM Virus: Your computer sucks up more and more power from the wall socket until it eventually blows up your fuse box.

"Don't worry 'bout me. I wouldn't worry about me. Don't you worry about me. Don't you worry 'bout me!" - Talking Heads, Don't Worry About the Government

Offline Grazony

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #8 on: January 24, 2009, 10:26:54 pm »
EPIC virus- Makes your computer epically fail at computering.

You'll never know why.
<_< \[ ◕O ◕]/ >_>
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Offline munchkin5

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #9 on: January 25, 2009, 04:32:51 am »
Gypsy Virus: Arrives on your computer sells half your useful files on ebay and leaves a pile of useless files when it leaves 2 weeks after your antivirus started trying to delete it.

Offline Plank of Wood

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #10 on: January 25, 2009, 04:36:52 am »
British Liscensing Virus - You may still use your virus if you get a liscense for it and must mount a CCTV camera on it.
the real saviour of this forum

Offline SBD

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #11 on: January 25, 2009, 08:14:52 am »
Kevin Rudd Virus: makes all the words in text documents bigger for no reason, furthermore it makes your computer seem like it's working fine but nothing is actually being done.

Offline Grazony

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #12 on: January 25, 2009, 08:41:28 am »
Obama Virus: Yes We Can and Change appears on the monitor randomly.

*fun fact* ( Did you know that spell check doesn't count Obama as a real word or name)

You'll never know why.
<_< \[ ◕O ◕]/ >_>
Son, I have seen some unbelievable things in my time, but I have never seen a Texan with a robotic chainsaw fist kill a gun-slinging dinosaur by punching it in the head. ~The Soldier

Offline legojedij

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #13 on: January 25, 2009, 11:12:56 am »
Chuck Norris virus: causes computer to roundhouse kick its self till it breaks

Einstein virus: causes computer to do nothing but complex equations till it crashes

Offline Veraal

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #14 on: January 25, 2009, 12:01:58 pm »
ObamaVirus.Exe: Changes several random things in your computer, sometimes it might benefit you.

Offline Andrew Ryan

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #15 on: January 25, 2009, 01:06:56 pm »
Nazi Virus: Translates all your text into German and makes you seam really racist on the internet!
"Don't worry 'bout me. I wouldn't worry about me. Don't you worry about me. Don't you worry 'bout me!" - Talking Heads, Don't Worry About the Government

Offline Grangan

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #16 on: January 25, 2009, 01:19:46 pm »
Atheist Virus:Makes you illogical and makes you quit making sense.  People are generally infected with this virus if they are stupid or evil.
Twas Brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe, all mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe.

Offline Yannick

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #17 on: January 25, 2009, 01:25:00 pm »
Religion virus: Causes your screen to depict hallucinations and generally crazy images. Sometimes a random bearded guy pops up, telling you how much he loves you.

"It's only your virginity, loosen up!"

Offline Plank of Wood

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #18 on: January 25, 2009, 01:56:29 pm »
Atheist Virus: Makes you illogical and makes you quit making sense.  People are generally infected with this virus if they are stupid or evil.

Do I need to point out the irony in this?
the real saviour of this forum

Offline Doctor Z

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #19 on: January 25, 2009, 02:05:25 pm »
Atheist Virus: Makes you illogical and makes you quit making sense.  People are generally infected with this virus if they are stupid or evil.

Do I need to point out the irony in this?
It's Grangan...


... SOoooo... Yes.

Offline Summoner

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #20 on: January 25, 2009, 02:14:28 pm »
Child Virius : Hides everything in a file then ships it to a secert part of your comptuter

Angry Virius : Throws everythng in the recycle bin and wont let them out

Happy Virius : Puts Hearts on your programs and when you start everything is says I Love You and doesn't stop and also you cant see because of hearts

Gaming Steve Virius : Never Lets you turn off your computer or leave Gaming Steve Forums

Offline UFO King

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #21 on: January 25, 2009, 02:26:19 pm »
George W. Bush Virus: Infects your computer's text with bad grammar and a strong Southern accent and then proceeds to destroy your files, hard drive, Internet, etc. over the course of 8 years until you install Obama anti-virus software.
I came, I saw, I went back to bed.

Offline Andrew Ryan

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #22 on: January 25, 2009, 02:33:51 pm »
Andrew Ryan Virus: Makes your computer background art-decolisious and plays tunes from the 30's constantly.
"Don't worry 'bout me. I wouldn't worry about me. Don't you worry about me. Don't you worry 'bout me!" - Talking Heads, Don't Worry About the Government

Offline Ultimatum

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #23 on: January 25, 2009, 02:50:39 pm »
And also makes your computer suck even more

Offline Grazony

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #24 on: January 25, 2009, 03:03:52 pm »
CoOkIeMoStEr.EXE virus: Eats the cookies and destroys anything thats not a cookie recipe.

You'll never know why.
<_< \[ ◕O ◕]/ >_>
Son, I have seen some unbelievable things in my time, but I have never seen a Texan with a robotic chainsaw fist kill a gun-slinging dinosaur by punching it in the head. ~The Soldier

Offline SBD

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #25 on: January 25, 2009, 09:32:09 pm »
Soviet Russia Virus: It infects YOU!

Offline Andrew Ryan

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #26 on: January 25, 2009, 11:36:14 pm »
And also makes your computer suck even more

 >:(
"Don't worry 'bout me. I wouldn't worry about me. Don't you worry about me. Don't you worry 'bout me!" - Talking Heads, Don't Worry About the Government

Offline Cow

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #27 on: January 26, 2009, 03:05:50 pm »
I actually have a virus that keeps my main computer from working. I'm pissed

Phat virus: It raps. Forever. Nonstop. Also, should you try to turn off your computer, it shoots you through the disk drive gangsta style.

Offline Skyward

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #28 on: January 26, 2009, 06:29:47 pm »
Soviet Russia Virus: It infects YOU!
wouldnt that be ,You infect it?
Hell, Skyward Descent is pure win!
Quote from: Captain
I kill you in the name of DELICIOUS!

Offline Raz

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #29 on: January 26, 2009, 06:32:35 pm »
Soviet Russia Virus: It infects YOU!
wouldnt that be ,You infect it?

Really it should be Your Computer Infects the Virus.

Offline omegatripod

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #30 on: January 26, 2009, 08:34:44 pm »
High Schooler virus: Is completely dormant for a few weeks, then crams all the computer destroying in at the last possible minute. (There's a built-in deadline.)

Offline Grangan

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #31 on: January 26, 2009, 08:54:24 pm »
FAIL virus- all image files have "FAIL" affixed to them.
Twas Brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe, all mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe.

Offline Yuu

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #32 on: January 27, 2009, 07:32:55 am »
Goggle virus- it does NOTHING!

Offline Doctor Z

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #33 on: January 27, 2009, 07:45:11 am »
Goggle virus- it does NOTHING!
See, now, this is how you win. You can learn from this man, Kenobro.

Offline munchkin5

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #34 on: January 27, 2009, 08:09:30 am »
Yuu Virus: It wins

Offline Ichthyostega

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #35 on: January 27, 2009, 03:27:53 pm »
Hard-Disk Eater: A Microsoft Agent of a bacteriophage virus is downloaded on your computer without your permission and then warns you that you are a n00b and that your computer was infected with a hard-disk-eating virus that will eat all of your programs by the minute and then lastly the contents of the entire WINDOWS folder.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2009, 03:36:00 pm by Ichthyostega »
Ichthyostega

Offline Veraal

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #36 on: January 27, 2009, 03:32:30 pm »
Mac Virus:

Offline Yuu

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #37 on: January 28, 2009, 06:59:04 am »
Awesome one, Veraal! ;D

Offline Dwight

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #38 on: January 28, 2009, 08:49:44 am »
Gilette Virus: Deletes all beard-related images. ;D
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Offline shadowlord18

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #39 on: February 08, 2009, 11:35:46 pm »
Scientology virus: thetens(sp?) infect your computer though apart form an occasionally flashed waring of this you can not tell. you have to par ridiculous amounts of money to remove it.
Life is not measured by the amount of times you fall down but by the number of times you get back up again.

Offline Dwight

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #40 on: February 09, 2009, 07:15:41 pm »
od virus, overdoses your computer with data.
"An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows."-Dwight D. Eisenhower.
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Offline Ichthyostega

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #41 on: February 09, 2009, 07:40:45 pm »
SubmissionWare: After being secretly installed, a window suddenly pops up, asking that if you hate viruses, if you answer yes, then it another window pops up saying "THEN YOU MUST DIE, YOU INSOLENT, FAT HUMAN!!!!!", and then vital system components are destroyed within quick minutes. It will spare your documents and games, but a modified blue screen of death appears, with the text:

"For the insolent, organic abomination you are, I have completely beseiged your WINDOWS folder. I am merciful enough to spare your files, however, but if you do not agree to this pact, then then the rest of your C:/ drive will be incinerated! Provided that I do not destroy your valuable files that you were to lazy to back up, you must swallow a small pet, preferrably one of your poisonous frogs or newts! If you do not comply, then kiss your hard disk goodbye, lazy obese human!!! I do not care if you do not have any poisonous amphibians, agree now or face the consequences!!!

Press F1 to agree.
Press F2 or ESC to decline."

If you decline, the screen will go black and within an hour or so, your hard disk drive is completely destroyed.
Ichthyostega

Offline Insani99999

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #42 on: February 25, 2009, 06:29:56 pm »
Sporeizii virus:
When you start spore, it will say "NAZI LOLZ"
And delete all your spore files.
It will then execute Insane Virus

Insane Virus:
Your screen's colors get inverted every millisecond, while your hard drive is infected with all the viruses in this topic.
After done, the screen turns into a background of Gaming steve and said, "...owned lol."

Offline Detoxicated

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #43 on: March 07, 2009, 04:10:01 pm »
All-your-base virus: All  your bytes are belong to us...
OK, both of you die and let us know what happens.

Offline Insani99999

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #44 on: March 07, 2009, 07:35:51 pm »
Spama** Virus:
Every time you press something, your computer will explode :)

Offline Grazony

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #45 on: March 07, 2009, 07:49:19 pm »
Psycho Mom virus: Gives you cookies and milk and than slits your throat and kills your hard drive.

You'll never know why.
<_< \[ ◕O ◕]/ >_>
Son, I have seen some unbelievable things in my time, but I have never seen a Texan with a robotic chainsaw fist kill a gun-slinging dinosaur by punching it in the head. ~The Soldier

Offline omegatripod

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #46 on: March 20, 2009, 07:01:18 pm »
Agnostic Virus: It makes sense.
Verizon Virus: It can hear you now.
Nostalgia Virus: It remembers it so you don't have to.
Newgrounds Virus: Overloads your hard drive with everything, by everyone.
Granny Virus: Changes your username to "Mister Binkypoo" and your password to "cutiepie."

Offline The_Kev

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #47 on: March 31, 2009, 12:03:30 pm »
American virus: Downloads huge amounts of files.. Even if the hard-disk is completely full, it's still downloading until the hard-disk crashes.
"When my strength is your weakness, I'll become fearless." - Fear

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Offline Detoxicated

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #48 on: April 05, 2009, 06:40:59 pm »
LSD Virus: Makes your windows look colourful, yet melting, yaaaay
OK, both of you die and let us know what happens.

Offline Slinky

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #49 on: May 12, 2011, 01:29:10 pm »
Dan Quayle Virus: If it had known those Latin American computers were so nice, it would have downloaded Latin in high school.

Offline Clayface

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #50 on: May 12, 2011, 04:15:28 pm »
Yes is no virus : sets 0 = true and 1 = false in your computers understanding of code, thus breaking every program

Offline Yuu

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #51 on: May 14, 2011, 06:37:46 am »
Bolo Virus: wrecks your computer for the honor of the regiment!

T-Virus: it pities the fool who got his computer infected by it.

Offline Flamester_

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #52 on: May 14, 2011, 10:26:24 pm »
Youtube Virus: Records everything you do and posts it on the internet while playing annoying 'popular' music.
Quote from: Mr. Wizard
Flamester is truly a god among us.

Offline GroxGlitch

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Re: New computer virus' know your enemy!
« Reply #53 on: May 15, 2011, 08:56:09 pm »
Sweet 'n' Sour virus: Screws up your computer completely, deleting all your important files based on frequency of launching...then apologizes and restores them.....then changes your desktop to some humiliating arse-shot a few days later.