Author Topic: Share Your Mary Sue!  (Read 3707 times)

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Offline Mr. Wizard

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Share Your Mary Sue!
« on: October 08, 2008, 03:04:48 am »
Many people have tried to write their own stories, whether they be fanfiction or "original" works. They were in all likelyhood, poorly written and contained a character that may have represented a personal fantasy, or was just overly perfect with little to no flaws. A character like this is known as a Mary Sue. Although they are bad if you attempt to take them seriously, they are a comedy goldmine. So with that in mind, share some of your worst ideas that either stayed in your head or managed to be barfed onto some paper for your future embarrassment.

So without any more delaying of my own shame, here is one of my worst Mary Sues:


Glaeken
Physical Traits:
Eye Color: Hazel
(My own Eye color)

Hair Color: Red
Hair Style: Shoulder length and messy

Body Type:Professional Wrestler

Apparel: Purple-prosed Armor

Weapon: Runic sword with green glowy runes and green fire that covers it.
Appeared in my short story: How Heroes Die
"Plot" Summary:So Glaeken's girlfriend is tortured and raped and killed by my main villain named Pollux whose name was taken out of a mythology book based on how evil I thought it sounded.1 So Glaeken, after surviving a confrontation with Pollux' magically enhanced brother named "The Avatar", travels the world in search of magical powers and eventually becomes the General of an army of a country. Pollux is the king of another country with an evil name. Glaeken decides to launch a campaign against Pollux.

The story actually begins at that point, Glaeken is leading his army of 10000 men (exactly 10000 men) and his personal airship (a sloop that flies) to conquer the last of Pollux towns, which is guarded by his personal bodyguard and magically enhanced brother "The Avatar". The army is meant as a diversion, since they couldn't possible beat The Avatar. All 10000 are slaughtered. Their pointless sacrifice allowed for Glaeken to reach Pollux in his final boss lair throne room. Unfortunately the Avatar can teleport back to Pollux, so he fights the Avatar anyway. Using his own magical enhancements Glaeken is proving to be martially superior to The Avatar (who just slaughtered 10000 men singlehandedly using shurikens and broadswords (no, really)) and it appears Glaeken will win, until Pollux reveals that Glaekens mcguffin girlfriend is alive!

He runs and hugs her and is surprised when he gets bitten in the neck as it turns out that Glaekens girlfriend was turned into a vampire somehow in someway at somepoint! The Avatar takes this moment of surprise to drive his sword through Glaekens back, simultaneously skewering his undead girlfriend, while simultaneously skewering Pollux, who, being a flying midget, had hovered just behind Glaeken's girl in order to savor his turmoil. This has the effect of unmaking The Avatar as well. Glaeken's girl turns to dust. Glaeken dies, the end.


1first run on sentence. There are more.
___________________________________________________
I am sharing Glaeken to give an example of a Mary Sue who dies. A common argument of authors defending their characters is that "my character isn't a Mary Sue because he/she dies at the end of the story!" Well, here is a prime example of one who did, and despite dieing he is still a horribly cliche and poorly thought out character. My excuse is that I was 12 when I wrote him.
I stole all of the elements from other stories and works. The Rape and Torture and Glaeken's name and the name of his pet Mentor wizard (who is also a Mary Sue and a much more direct insert) came from the horror book "The Keep" by F. Paul Wilson. The Magical swords and sorcery came from anyone of a number of fantasy books. Pollux is actually Garlic Jr. from the DragonBall Z anime series, who was my favorite villain from the series( :D ). The Avatar was a direct rip from Terry Brooks books. The Title was a direct rip off of a Larry Niven short story "How The Heroes Die".

I did a lot of (uncensored) reading at that age, and unfortunately I did a lot of writing too. Glaeken was just my first Mary sue, I have many more (thankfully with a hell of a lot fewer direct ripoffs) but before I share them I want to read a few others admitting guilt. ;)



Offline Glacies

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Re: Share Your Mary Sue!
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2008, 08:36:56 am »
 :o

Oh my god...

Offline operaghost21

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Re: Share Your Mary Sue!
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2008, 04:02:49 pm »
Alright, so this is from one of the few stories I remember writing when I was younger (sixth grade, so I'd say I was about 11)...we had to create a mythological story for school, and mine was basically a rip-off of Zelda (even though I hadn't played any of the games). I don't remember the exact details, but this is more or less the story:

So the main character was a young boy by the name of Gail (I don't remember how I described any of the characters, but basically picture Link). As a child, his parents were killed defending the kingdom of Balayfonte from an evil villain, whose name was something along the lines of Gargaros (again, think Ganondorf). Before the city fell, the Princess (Zelda) created an orb (which I believe I named Spheros) that projected a force field over the kingdom, making it safe. Since Gail's parents were friends of the royal family, he moved in with the Princess. The kingdom is safe, until seven years later, as the field wanes every seven years. Gargaros returns and swiftly takes over the kingdom with his army of demon/animal/minion things. Not wanting to be defeated again, he hides Spheros. Gail, narrowly escaping, ventures out on his horse to reclaim spheros. He takes refuge in a neighboring kingdom (which, for some reason, had had no problems with Gargaros), before continuing on towards a volcano (how he knew where it was, I don't remember). On the path leading to the volcano, he fights a giant, fire-breathing, 3-headed horse, killing two of it's heads, before getting it to run off of a cliff. He reaches and begins climbing the side of the volcano until he is seen by a group of giant winged rats. He escapes into a cave tunnel. Continuing along, he reaches the heart of the volcano, and finds spheros on a platform connected to a catwalk towering over a pit of lava. As he grabs the orb, a guardian dragon emerges from the lava, and Gail narrowly escapes. Returning to his kingdom, he sneaks into the castle, and duels Gargaros. Gargaros begins turning into a monster, but Gail throws the orb into his chest, killing him. Everyone lives happily ever after. The end.
"You hate people!"
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Offline Crazen

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Re: Share Your Mary Sue!
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2008, 10:08:32 pm »
mine, from when I was little

on a  barren alien world, the Dark lord Harashak ( who is a giant T-rex, five hundred stories tall that shoots energy beams) gathers his army of darkness, (evil shadow minons with spikey heads) and destroys the last stronghold of Justice, the human city. so three hero's embark on a brave quest to defeat him; a young space marine with big guns, a noble samurai warrior that can shoot lasers with a magical staff, and the dark and brooding antihero ninja, who was betrayed by the Dark lord Harashak.
       they go to the dark tower (built on a volcano) and their they face three equivalent enemies of them;
 a guy with spikes(who is the space marine dude's Nemesis).
, a guy with tentacles( who is the samarai dude's Nemesis).
, and a guy with horns (who is the ninja dude's Nemesis).
        they all fight each-other one on one, respectively. when the enemies are dead, the tower collapses, and they barely manage to escape. then they fight The Dark lord Harashak, who blasts the s*** out of them. at the last momnent they all combine their power and manage to defeat him, letting the world be at peace.

then the young hero gets a 'sexy' girlfriend with psychic powers. they discover an evil space witch,  who looks like a mermaid, and has slumbered for a thousand years, and now plans to destroy the planet and resurect the Dark lord Harashak. so they fight her, and stop her, putting her to rest for another eternity, and then flinging her into the sun, blowing it up (but its ok, cause there are four more of them)
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Offline Kcronos

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Re: Share Your Mary Sue!
« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2008, 11:34:00 am »
I had a character named Kaea that was basically a composite of Bhudda, Superman, and Jesus.

There was basically this malignant entity known as the "darkness" that was a result of a project done by an ancient civilization to create a non-matter being.  The thing was evil, and killed everything in its path, until it came upon a series of human outposts, controlled by a central planet, the legendary Terra XVII.  The Darkness unleashed a virus upon the planet, which caused people to become creatures of evilness, or "granite" (gran-Iet).  The people on the nearby Kra system fled to an outpost system near the black hole "destructo", and hid there from the menace.  The Darkness then moved to the planet of Lightnight world in the Euphoria system, where people without contact from the central planet reverted to tribalism.  He created a base of operations there to destroy the rest of the planets (The closer he was to the gravitational pull of the black hole, the weaker he became), until an expeditionary force of the hiding humans in an epic battle destroyed him and what was left of the civilization.
Unfortunately, the darkness wasn't really destroyed, and "reset", but was without memory.  It had become good.  It  soon learnt that it would revert back to his past self, so he set up a system of reincarnation through which he could become a human and battle his former self.  When he reverted, this former self came through as a mortal being without power, but with a lot of knowledge of how the world worked.  He devised a weapon of "air", basically a stone club thing that would create an unseeable forcefield depending on how you held the handle.  He trapped the Darkness within a "paradox" chamber, which the thing could not escape.  Unfortunately, he was soon tricked into entering the chamber, and through some loophole the Darkness escaped to the black hole, seperated everything alive on the planet to good (or Purite) and evil (granite) parts, and stopped the planet on its orbit.
The humans in hiding sent an exploratory crew of four brothers to the Euphoria system, but one was secretly being manipulated by the Darkness.  He was very interested in living forever, so he created an artifact by taking his loyal advisor "Kanticle" and changing him into an aberration made completely out of energy (Think of a hologram, but made out of a forcefield i.e. hard light technology).  When the evil brother, named Skerpion, died, the artifact would posess person after person until he came to the resting place, where he could reanimate him.  The downside of this was turning him into some sort of ugly monster scorpion thing.
Soon his intentions became clear, and he tried to kill his three brothers.  In the battle, Lightnight world was split in half, becoming Light world and Nightworld.  Skerpion was trapped, but not killed.
The brothers set about giving the planets life, by combining the purite and granite.  That's when they discovered Kaea.  He was the reincarnated human, and without teaching he already knew his name and could do all the things the brothers could do, like fly and go into space.  Soon, he discovered Skerpion's work, found it interesting, and tried to emulate it in a non-evil way.  He created his own artifact, that would cause himself to be reincarnated every time he died.  Little did he know that it was tied up with the other artifact.  When the brothers found out, they were angry, split up the artifact into pieces, and spread them to all five planets in the Euphoria system.
One day, they accidentally freed Skerpion from his prison, where he had grown in size (Roughly the size of a city) and evilness.  He used his artifact to destroy the three brothers utterly, and then set out to destroy the rest of the system.
Kaea, having seen this, flew from planet to planet to planet to planet to planet, all within six minutes, and gathered up the pieces of his artifact.  He then had a battle with Skerpion, and destroyed him, unfortunately activating the Skerpion artifact.
From then on, the two avatars of Kaea and Kanticle entered a reincarnation cycle.  Kanticle was indestructable, and would eventually possess someone of power.  Kaea would reincarnate into someone similar to himself in personality and body, and save the day in some epic deux ex machina style.  (Like in his third reincarnation, where, faced with a horde of zombie gorvouches between himself and the hemisphere wall of Nightworld, the main scientist would go batte his way through the gorvouches in a Kaea esque style.)  The artifacts also became important, Kaea's was able to grant wishes (Only if the pieces (called keys) were united), and these pieces formed the Lights, after someone wished for an end to darkness, and it kept the evil at bay (Except for Kanticle, he was immune to the wishes).  Eventually, after twenty five reincarnations (I was bored as a child), Skerpion was reanimated and Kaea battled him once more.  Only this time, he had the keys.  After racing Skerpion around the system, he finally came in contact with his artifact and wished for Skerpion's destruction.

I'm leaving a lot out, like the second migration to the Geoterra system, the reversal of Kanticle to a good character, the evil robots (One a reincarnation of Kaea) that the Terra XVII system sent after being infected by the Granite illness, the use of a single grain of purite to restart the universe and reverse entropy after being thrown into a paradox chamber, and finally, the Last last last battle against the Darkness, wherein Kaea, Kanticle, All of Kaea's reincarnations, the entire human fleet, the Ship of records, the Ship of War, and the Ship of Colonization battled against the black hole and canceled it out.  Oh, and at one point (I can't remember which) everything except the systems orbiting the black hole was destroyed by the darkness (THis was reversed upon its death).

If you read this, you just witnessed my entire childhood.
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Offline Inkling

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Re: Share Your Mary Sue!
« Reply #5 on: October 11, 2008, 01:13:02 pm »
After thinking about it, I guess I had one of these.  In sophomore English we had to keep a writing journal, and the easiest way to fill up pages was to write a story.  It was basically a fan fiction of C. S. Lewis' The Space Trilogy, written before I had heard of the phrase fanfiction.  I didn't get very far with the story, and I won't go into the plot because it would give away too much from the real books, (go read them! do it now!) but the opening scene is ripped straight from the opening of the Justice League cartoons, with the astronauts on Mars.  The main character was an astronaut who had actually read the books.  It isn't as stupid as it sounds, I promise.
Probably not a Goat, either.


Offline Grangan

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Re: Share Your Mary Sue!
« Reply #6 on: October 11, 2008, 02:37:53 pm »
There was this guy made by a friend called "Mysterious Loud Voice", who basically ran in at random moments, shouted some sort of just-sounding saying, and suddenly the villain was dead.  He appeared in multiple stories.
Twas Brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe, all mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe.

Offline operaghost21

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Re: Share Your Mary Sue!
« Reply #7 on: October 11, 2008, 07:19:02 pm »
we totally need to write a crossover of all our characters...preferably we can find a 10 year old to write it  ;)
"You hate people!"
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Offline Grangan

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Re: Share Your Mary Sue!
« Reply #8 on: November 10, 2008, 10:22:55 pm »
I was going to share ONE mary sue from a story from when I was 6-8.  Then, I realized that every character in that story was a mary sue or a demon.
Once upon a time, there were two kids named Joe and Sally.  Joe was 9 years old, and Sally 6. Joe had blond hair, and Sally dark brown. Joe had brown eyes. Sally had blue eyes. They lived together in a big houseboat. They and their family moved from place to place constantly. Their family asked them to pick berries on the shore.  Joe said "Oh, look a big berry bush by a cave. Let’s go pick some berries from there." Joe noticed something strange. One of the patches of grass looked like it had ripples. He was sure he was just seeing things. Suddenly, as they picked their final berry, Sally fell down and disappeared into the patch of grass, as if it were liquid.  Joe dove after her.  He also disappeared.  They were falling down, down, down!  They heard beeping horns.  They smelled cinnamon.  They tasted chocolate.  They felt the dampness of clouds. They saw tie-died colors below.  The colors were swirling!
"Uh-oh", whispered Joe.  "I think we're going to hit the ground."  1 mile. 1000 yards. 500 yards. 250 yards. 200 yards. 100 yards. 75 yards. 50 yards. 25 yards. 20 yards. 15 yards. 10 yards. 5 yards. 4 yards. 3 yards. 2 yards. 1 yard. 2 feet. One foot.  11 inches.  10 inches.  9 inches.  8 inches.  7 inches.
"Now I'll know what it's like to be a bug coming towards a car", thought Sally as another inch went by.  5 inches.  4 inches.  3 inches.  2 inches.  1 inch.
They waited for the splat, but they went right through it.  They suddenly hit the ground and got knocked out.                       
When they resumed consciousness, they got up.  "What a horrid Dream" they both shouted.
"What was yours?” said Joe.
"I dreamed that I fell down a huge chamber and hit the ground." said Sally.
"But that was my Dream!” Joe burst out.  Only then did they realize where they were.
"I don't think it was a dream, Sally.  After all, do we sleep outside?" said Joe.
Sally said, "I'm a real Sally, not a dream Sally."
"Very funny, Sally, but I think we should get home now." said Joe.  Only then did they notice the sign next to them.  It read:
Welcome to Shroona where Dreams come true
The grass is most green and the sky most blue
"What in the world is Shroona?", said Sally.
  Joe replied "I think its a place”. Then they saw a strange Bird. It was purple with green spots. It had a golden tail. The bird looked quite ferocious. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Joe and Sally screamed. Not really because of its ferocious looks, but more out of surprise. Joe came up with an idea. He threw a rock in the forest. "Fetch, Birdie!" he said. The bird went into the forest. He came back, without the rock. "Fly away bird." Joe said. The bird didn't move. He threw a rock at the bird. Joe then realized what happened to the first rock. The bird caught the rock in midair. In his beak, he crushed the rock to sand. "EEEK" Sally yelped.
"So do you want to play catch?" A voice said. "Joe, this is no time for games!!!!" Sally said.  Joe replied, "I didn’t say anything." Joe and Sally both turned to the bird. "I said would you like to play catch!!" the bird said. Joe and Sally jumped in the air. "Am I not speaking English here?” Sally replied, "Um.........  you’re not supposed to be speaking English."  "Oh, just where are you from?!?" the bird said. "Not here" said Sally. "Well of course, because if you lived here, you wouldn't have jumped in the air like that. Don't you know the risks of jumping in the air???!!!???!!!  The witches can see you quite well enough without you jumping like that!!! And besides, there was nothing to be surprised of! All birds talk. And furthermore," he said quickly and quite angrily, for he did not think he should have to explain this to them. Joe and Sally asked "What witches? The bird didn't pay much attention to their question and in fact asked them a question. “What planet do you live on?" "Well why?!? Isn't their only one planet with people on it?!?!?" The bird simply replied by pointing at the sand with his beak. "We live on Earth." Joe and Sally said in unison, both quite scared. "And I'm the tooth fairy. What planet do you really live on?" said the bird quite sarcastically.  "I told you the truth, we live on Earth." said Joe, very annoyed that the talking bird didn't believe them. "If you lived on Earth, which you don't, I'd give you a million greetings. But since you don't, all you'll get is another chance to answer my question. What planet do you live on?" the bird said. Instinctively, Joe was about to punch the bird, but he tripped and a few berries fell out of his basket. The bird ate one and started talking. "These berries only grow on Earth. If you're from Earth that means that one of the witches set up the liquiground. Only witches and greatly powerful sorcerers can set up liquiground. This can only mean one thing." "And what is that?" said Joe. "The witch wants lunch," the bird replied. "Well thanks for the nice chat and I’ve got to go." said the bird, as it flew away, for the witches do not only eat people from Earth. This scared Joe and Sally, because who wants to be abandoned in a place you've never heard of with someone who wants to eat you? They came up with an idea. Joe  lifted Sally on his head where they had resumed consciousness. Nothing happened. "Rats. I thought we could get past the liquiground." Joe said.

Meanwhile, a witch (one of three sisters) cackled. It looked exactly like the witches in picture books (you know, pointy hat, black clothing, black cauldron, black this, black that, evil laugh, with an emphasis on the evil.) She looked into a telescope. Instead of a lens, the telescope had a crystal ball at the end. "Did it work?" the witch said in a soothing yet unpleasant tone. Purplish-pink smoke formed in the crystal ball. It spelled out YES. "Aanthe, Aanthe!" she called, like a master calling for it's dog. Out of the cauldron came a snake. "Yesssssssssss massssssssster?" said the snake. "The liquiground trap was a success. Go fetch my lunch for me." ordered the witch.  “Yesssssssssss massssssssssssssssster." replied the snake.

Joe and Sally decided to go into the forest. “If we can't find our way back home over in that place, the only logical thing to do is look elsewhere" reasoned Joe.  Hoot, roar, tweet, meow, bark, bubbububub. Practically every animal alive must have been in that forest. Unfortunately, Aanthe was quite alive. The animal sounds were soon replaced by disturbing sounds. Very faintly, they could hear Hahaha, and mwoohaha and Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! And Eek!!! . "Sally, that Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! EEk!!! sounded a lot like you." Joe said. "Sally? Sally where are you?" Joe said. He climbed a tree to get a better view. The tree shook. He fell off. "Don't you know that climbing people is rude!" said the tree. "Oh, I forgot," Joe muttered, too wrapped up in the quest to find Sally to be surprised. He ran around the forest calling "Sally, Sally, where are you? Stop hiding!"  Joe saw a snake slithering along a green path. The snake had two loops in it's tail. One was empty. The other had Sally.

Joe thought of something. When his Dad was teaching him about science, he told him that snakes were cold-blooded. The weather felt pretty cold. His dad also told him that cold-blooded animals keep a food supply, incase the weather got too cold. If he had a food supply, why would he want Sally? Joe could only think of one reason: the snake was working for the witch! Joe grabbed Sally. He tried to pull her out of the snakes loop. She was stuck pretty tightly "No! It's a trap! " screamed Sally. But it was too late. The snakes other loop had swung around. It caught Joe like a lasso.

Joe pushed and shoved and pushed and shoved and pushed and shoved. It seemed hopeless. When he finally did get out of the loop, the tip of the tail shoved him back in. Joe realized that the green path the snake was slithering on must be the path to the witch’s home-if the place where a witch lives could be called home. This made him all the more desperate. He pushed and shoved and pushed and shoved and pushed and shoved. He didn't get out. He came up with an idea. He hit the part of the snake right beyond his loop.  The snake turned his head around.  He swiped his hand through the snake’s mouth and pulled out the tongue.  Joe then used the tongue like a shield to stop the tip of the tail.  He then used the tongue like a tug of war rope to get Sally out of the other loop.  When he got Sally out, he got the snakes tongue off of her.  Before he could do or say anything, Sally stumbled into him like a domino, making both Joe and Sally fall into the lake nearby. The snake frowned. His master never did like soggy food.

In the water, Joe and Sally tried to talk to each other.  But all that came out was "bubbubbubbububub" and "grglegrglegrgle".  Joe felt it.  He was losing air.  And with it, he was losing energy and strength.  He saw a distant creature in the background, quite hard to see because of his loss of air. It was coming closer.  All Joe could see was nine very long appendages.  Somehow, Sally saw it too, even though she was losing air at an even faster pace.  Now Joe could see two of them.  Now four of them, but he was pretty sure that was because the lack of air also made him see things.  Two of them came for Joe, and two for Sally.  Both Joe and Sally hoped they weren’t carnivorous.  Both of the creatures stuck one appendage on Joe's mouth, and both the creatures stuck an appendage on Sally's mouth. Joe could see perfectly now. There were only two creatures, not four.  And he could see the creature itself quite better now. Eight of its appendages were octopus tentacles. The other one was an elephant head and trunk.

The elephant-octopi could speak quite clearly, despite being under water.  Soon, the term elephant-octopus was outdated by this, because the elephant-octopi soon said "We’re octophants."  Soon, it's tentacles were taking them through a long maze of underwater caverns.  "We will take you to our city," said the octophants.  Joe was starting to run out of air again, and Sally too, so the octophants gave them again.  By the looks of everything else in Shroona, Joe guessed that the octophants' city would be mystical. They came to a cavern with a hole in the top. The hole was covered by a door of sorts: a bunch of moss on a hinge made of two rocks.  When they opened the moss-door, Joe and Sally were surprised. The octophants' city didn't have any water. "Our elephant head can breathe above water, and our octopus tentacles have gills on them that can breathe underwater." the octophant explained. "So you are really an amphibian?" asked Sally, for her father had taught her about amphibians.  "I guess I am." said the octophant, because he had never really thought about whether or not he was an amphibian.  The octophants' city was in another cave, but, as said before, it was not underwater.  Joe and Sally got a tour of the city.  There was a water fall with another cave behind it. The waterfall gave the octophants all water required.  There was also a pool called the shellfish pool, and a garden called the grass garden, and the octophants got their food from these places.  There was a bank, a school, and a hotel. They stayed at the hotel overnight. They did this because the hotel had towels and a drying machine. 

Just as Joe and Sally were relaxing in their comfortable beds in their hotel room, they heard a noise very similar to a smoke alarm. They got out of bed, and started walking towards the hotel entrance.  "I wonder what the sound is." said Sally.  "Sounds like an alarm to me." replied Joe.  "But an alarm for what?" questioned Sally.   Joe speculated "Maybe the witch?" They walked out of the hotel, both speculating about what the alarm may be about. They finally traced the alarm to the shellfish pool. It was dry.  The fish were dead, and there was a crack in the bottom.  An octophant nearby was sounding the alarm with his trunk.  "What's so bad about it? You can always get food from the grass garden!" asked Sally.  The octophant answered "There has long been a legend that a plant called strangling seaweed lives under the shellfish pool. We are safe as long as it does not get into the shellfish pool, because from there it can easily get to the rest of the city!"  And just then a long thin vine came out of the crack.  Joe asked slowly "Is that strangling seaweed?" The octophant replied "Why yes, I think it is."

About this time, Aanthe had gotten back to the witch.  "What do you mean they fell in the lake! You know I like my food alive!"  "Do not Worrrrrrry Masssssssssssssssssssster.  There issssssssssss a colony of octophants in that lake. They will mosssssssssssssssssssssst likely be ressssssssssssssssssssssssscued and dried." "But if you can’t keep them, then I'll have to send in the reserves." And the witch threw sand from her ingredient cabinet out the window.
Twas Brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe, all mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe.

Offline Grangan

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Re: Share Your Mary Sue!
« Reply #9 on: November 10, 2008, 10:23:30 pm »
The strangling seaweed lunged for Joe and Sally. Joe and Sally ran to the cave behind the waterfall. The strangling seaweed was still following them. It was an epic race between Joe and Sally and the strangling seaweed.  The strangling seaweed was gaining on them.  It was growing so fast that you could practically see whoosh marks behind the front part.  Joe and Sally were just barely running faster, and that's just because they got a head start.  Just as suddenly as it had lunged for them, it stopped growing.  Joe and Sally turned around.  They saw an octophant, quite obviously it had been strangled by the strangling seaweed.  However, just before it would have died, it cut the strangling seaweed with its trunk.  Joe and Sally continued walking down the cave, in search of something that could get them home.  Sally fell into some sand. Slowly, she started to sink into the sand. "I didn't even imagine that this place had quicksand" Joe said under his breath.  Joe attempted to pull Sally out of the quicksand. It didn't work.  He told Sally "Try to float, like you were swimming."  Apparently this quicksand didn't work like that.  He tugged on Sally really hard. Sally just jerked in further.  And Joe jerked in with her.

The quicksand started moving through the caves and caverns as if it were a car, except without the controls.  It went in strange paths through the caves and caverns.  In one of the caverns, there was a ramp like stone that went up. The quicksand went up it.  If not harder, it was as hard to get out of this as it was to get out of the snake's loops. Joe and Sally were screaming. They were soon above ground and still moving. They moved through desert like places, jungle like places, and arctic like places. In one place, every thing in it was black and white; including Joe and Sally and the quick sand! In another, there was two of every thing, including Joe and Sally.  In another, there was no ground, and the quicksand was floating.  They came to yet another where everything (except Joe, Sally, and the quicksand) was extremely small and another where everything (except Joe, Sally, and the quicksand) was extremely big.  All of them finally got to a castle.  The quicksand (which Joe had guessed was alive by this point) threw them all into the castle.  Joe said "I'm guessing this is the witch’s castle."  The door slammed behind him and Sally.  "How right you are!" a voice cackled. 

Joe examined the castle. It looked like a dark and damp maze.  He and Sally turned left and walked straight for several yards. They turned right and walked straight for several yards. Then they walked up a spiral staircase and through a doorway. The door slammed shut behind Joe and Sally.   "I was waiting for you" said the same voice that told them that they were right.

"Apprentice, Apprentice, My lunch is here, would you please cook it for me!" said the witch.  "Yes Weevil itch." said the apprentice, whose witch’s hat was upside down. "I am an evil witch, not a weevil itch! How many times do I have to tell you!" the witch said.                                        "Um................ 2,753? Or is it a trick question?" said the apprentice. "That was rhetorical. Anyway, go cook this (and she pointed at Sally) While I add to my collection. (She pointed at Joe)"said the Witch. She had cast a spell on Joe and Sally so that they could not move their arms and legs and could not talk. 

The apprentice was carrying Sally to the dungeon, which is a kitchen dungeon combo.  "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm lets see. Potion cookbook, mmhm. She said to use the wahturboyle potion, but we don't have enough ingredients, so we'll just have to substitute this disolve potion.” said the apprentice. Sally could already tell that the apprentice wasn't the most accurate oar on the boat. The apprentice’s cuckoo just struck 14.  Sally came up with an idea. The witch only said the spell would stop her arms and legs. Sally used her head to ram the apprentice into her own disolve potion, and she melted. Unfortunately, because her legs couldn't move, she could not leave the room.

Joe, on the other hand, was being taken by the witch to a place he did not recognize. It looked like a round room surrounded by a strange clear substance.  When he looked closer, He realized that in the clear substance was 100s of kids, all of different ages, all of different countries, all from different times. Frozen. In place.  He tried to move his hands, but couldn't. He scrunched up, because he could move his body.  The witch said in that “I’m a villain “tone “I'm now going to project you into the bubblainia." She took out her wand. Joe lunged at the witch. He used his teeth to get her wand, and used it to prop his mouth open so he could cast a spell.  He lunged at the witch again and this time took away a book from her. "Nevmin: Undoes a spell.” he read. "Nevmin!!!!!!!!!!!"  he shouted.  He could move freely now.  He was going to destroy the witch, but first things first. "Sally! I'm all right!" He shouted, and ran down the corridors to save her. When he got there he shouted "Nevmin" with the wand in his hand.  He and Sally ran down the corridors. Joe found the witch in a large ballroom of the castle.  The ballroom was entirely grand, with everything encrusted in gold, and a large section of seats and tables surrounded a deep pit that Joe guessed was used for dancing.  The witch still had a wand.  "I always keep a spare." the witch said with an evil cackle. "I guess it's time for a showdown.”

Joe cast every destructive spell in the spell book at her, yet she seemed to either be able to dodge everyone he cast or they had no useful effect.  He finally found one spell called "Ulatramegonasupa" which made the target ultimately destroyed even if they dodged it. However, the caster had to eat 12 Earth Berries. Joe counted. He only had 11! He ate them all, but still needed 1 more!  Just then the bird crashed through the window.  "I was banished because I abandoned the witch’s food! I realized that with the berries you have and the one I ate, you could destroy the witch!  Look for it!” the bird said. Joe noticed an interesting spell.  It was called "Yooerre Wattu Ettun". It made a replica of whatever the target ate. He cast it at the bird. Joe got another berry. He was about to eat it when suddenly the Witch yelled “ Encruciatisis Major!”  Joe slowly felt an awful pain go through his body.  He cast it. "Ulatramegonasupa!" It seemed to echo, first normally, then in slow motion. Soon the echo was getting more towards original speed.  The echo receded, but a beam of light came down on Joe.  Everyone could hear some kind of mystical sound.  The beam of light soon came to the witch and moved away from Joe.  Humongous earthquakes and avalanches came to the witch, then floods and hurricanes, except they didn’t get to Joe and Sally, as if there were some kind of deflective shield around them. Soon there were also tornadoes and 1000 mile a second winds.  Then there were the fires. They were the size of 10 forest fires. Yet somehow all of these disasters stayed in the ball room.  Joe and Sally ran out of the ballroom.  They looked for someway to get back to Earth.  Ironically, the Ballroom was destroyed, but the rest of the castle was untouched.  They came to a strange room.  It had flying carpets, an oven, broomsticks, an hourglass, a wand with a button on it, and a helmet.  In the very center of the room was a genie lamp.  “Think we could get some wishes? We could use them to get home.” said Sally.  Joe thought it was a good idea.  He rubbed the lamp.  Out of the lamp came a girl. “I will need to explain everything from the beginning.  I was a princess, the rightful heir to all of Shroona. One day the witch captured me and cursed the lamp so that the only person who could rescue me was the person who slayed her.  Apparently, that is you.” said the princess.  “This castle used to be mine, and now it is mine again.  I will now send you home with the magic I have been working on in the lamp.  But first, I will grant you one favor each.  What will it be?” asked the princess.  Joe thought really hard.  He was sure he would do something with his wish to help someone else.  But who would he help, and how?  He finally came up with the perfect idea.  “Those kids. Those ones who the witch has been freezing over the years.  Free them as my wish.” Joe said.  But suddenly he realized something.  “Wait!  You can’t just send them back to Earth.  The pressure of being in the future would be too great.  Send them back to their own time.”  Joe said.  “I am sorry, but time travel does not even exist in Shroona.  But, since you think the pressure would be too great, I will make a whole village in Shroona just for them.  But I will send the newer kids back to Earth.  And Sally, your wish?” continued the princess.  Sally thought a moment.  She liked her adventure.  “I wish Joe and I could come back to Shroona for more adventures.” she said.  “Sally, No!” screamed Joe, because he had had enough of Shroona.  “Both wishes will be granted.  You are now home.”  And before either could say anything, they were both by the berry bush where the whole adventure had started.  “Sally, if your wish comes true, I am going to very, very mad at you!!” Joe said as he started picking some more berries.
Twas Brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe, all mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe.

Offline Grangan

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Re: Share Your Mary Sue!
« Reply #10 on: November 10, 2008, 10:25:17 pm »
Joe said “Pass the berries, please.”  Joe was 9.   His family lived in a big houseboat, and moved from place to place constantly.  Sally said “Here they are.” and passed him the berries.  Sally was 6.  He was Joe’s sister.  They had both had an adventure in a magical land called Shroona. Before reading of their 2nd adventure, you should read their 1st adventure in the Shroona Chronicles I.  Their satellite TV which was playing cartoons only a second before turned to a big red message. “WARNING” the message proclaimed.  “MAJOR WINDS IN ALABAMA AND GEORGIA” it continued blaring. “Isn’t that where we are?” asked Joe and Sally mother, who was quite worried, as she could hear the wind.  “Yes.” replied their father, who was a bit less worried. The TV got blurrier and blurrier, and they couldn’t hear it anymore either. A crack appeared on the other side of the window, and it was growing. The crack had not made it to their side of the window yet, however only yet. The crack was soon all over the window. It shattered in a few seconds.  The wind was so strong that Joe and Sally were soon in the air.  They slammed through the houseboat door. The wind took them way across country, over seas in fact. In a mostly unknown Asian island called Chaondo, the wind changed direction and started moving down.  They shot down into a patch of grass and disappeared.

A Chaondonize farmer named Daon was watching his cows.  “What a boring thing.” he thought.  “Nothing happens.”  Just then, he felt strong winds. He could barely stay still.  Two American children zoomed into his cattle’s grass and disappeared.  “I guess things do happen.” Daon said.

Joe and Sally were falling through a multicolor vertical tunnel. It was spinning.  Fortunately, Sally had prepared for this.  Joe thought that their first adventure was a dream, but Sally remembered how real it was.  In midair, she took off her shoes. She had practiced this on the houseboat’s high dive, using a string and fan.  She then flapped the shoes like wings, and then used some duct tape she was carrying to stick them together.  She held on.  Unfortunately, unlike practice, where Sally floated up to the board, it simply made her drift down instead of shooting down.  “So that’s why you were carrying duct tape around!” shouted Joe.  Sally dropped the shoe-balloon down to Joe, who caught it and started going slower.  Sally, now going faster, just managed to catch the other side of the shoe-balloon as she went down.  They slowly hovered down, down, down.  They hovered down through a hole in a dome on the top of a building. The building looked a lot like the capital building.  They found themselves on a large cushion, in front of a large group of seats, looking like and being the same size as the courts you see on television, except that the jury went all around the court, like a Coliseum.  Instead of the Judge’s seat, there was a humongous throne, with a lever next to it.  The most notable feature of the court, however, was that the jury did not look like it was from the same time or place.  Some looked like they were cavemen, some looked like they were from the revolution, others from more current times, such as the 1920s. Also, some of them looked like they were French, others looked American, some British, some Italian, and some Japanese. Joe and Sally recognized the person in the throne as the princess, who started talking.  “Council, allow me to introduce you to Joe and Sally: Witch slayers.”

Daon decided to take a rest, to stop seeing things. He walked back to his hut, and opened the wood door, the only part of his house that was wooden.  He walked in.  After the door closed, a window frame fell through the grass, into a random part of Shroona.

Joe soon realized that liberating the princess must have made them celebrities in Shroona.  He also realized that this must be part of the village he had created with his wish.  He remembered his good deed- and how Sally had not only wasted her wish, but used it negatively.  “I wish we could come back to Shroona for more adventures.” He thought sarcastically.  Why do we have to go to Shroona to have an adventure? he thought.  Isn’t going across the country in the houseboat an adventure? he thought.  He hoped this would be the last adventure.

Daon went out to watch his cows again.  In the afternoon, lots of broken glass fell in front of him through the grass. “That’s it!” cried Daon (in Chaondonize, of course).  “I’m going to a psychiatrist!”

Joe and Sally listened to the princess.  What? I’ve never given a description of the princess?  Well, surprisingly, she was about Sally’s age. She did not have a single freckle or skin mark.  She was right handed.  She was always clean, because whenever a speck of dust or dirt touched her, it evaporated.  “Witch slayers? They look like kids to me!” said a voice in the audience.  The princess simply replied “They killed a witch and survived.  That makes them classified as witch slayers.” “Now look!  We only killed that witch because it was trying to eat us!  We don’t have any business down here as witch slayers!” Joe shouted in fury. The princess replied “I found a way to grant both of you wishes together.  You wished up this town, but your wish seemed to imply for the people to be happy.  And Sally wished to come back to Shroona for more adventures.  Well, the people aren’t happy.  And it’s all because of that witch’s sister.  She’s turning the villagers into worms!  You must go slay her and find the antidote.”  “Sally wished.” Joe muttered sarcastically.  “Now off you go!  Oh, and by the way: I’m a queen now.” the princess said.  She pulled another lever, and a huge door opened, and a large wooden ramp protruded, leading down from the cushion and onto a path.  The path lead out the door.

Daon got ready to go to the psychiatrist.  He put the saddle on his horse.  He started to get on his horse.  Just then, a door landed next to him.  “I’d better hurry,” he thought to himself.

   As Joe and Sally walked down the ramp, they had entirely different thoughts.  Sally was thinking “Wow! We’re coming back  to Shroona like I wished!  It’s been ages!”  Whereas Joe was thinking “If, and only if, we get back home, I’m not going to be in the least bit at all happy with Sally, who got me into this whole mess!”  But as they got out the door, they


At which point I got enough DNA points to move to brain size 2 and realize how stupid it was.
Twas Brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe, all mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe.

Offline DarkPlasma

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Re: Share Your Mary Sue!
« Reply #11 on: November 11, 2008, 04:50:39 am »
Read just about any holy book. They nearly always include at least one really badly abused Mary Sue!

I mean, look at the bible: there's this Yahweh guy, who gets a lot of attention in the series of books. And he's described as a dude who can kill anyone without blinking, sees everything ever, and is all-loving and all-caring!

At least they had him die somewhere in the second half of the books.

Offline Yuu

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Re: Share Your Mary Sue!
« Reply #12 on: November 12, 2008, 04:32:38 am »
Put a sock in it.

Offline Mae

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Re: Share Your Mary Sue!
« Reply #13 on: November 12, 2008, 06:01:59 am »
Read just about any holy book. They nearly always include at least one really badly abused Mary Sue!

I mean, look at the bible: there's this Yahweh guy, who gets a lot of attention in the series of books. And he's described as a dude who can kill anyone without blinking, sees everything ever, and is all-loving and all-caring!

At least they had him die somewhere in the second half of the books.

Words of Wisdom:

Do not, in fact, troll religion, anywhere, regardless of your beliefs. It's not like we're trying to convert you to something.

Offline /lurk

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Re: Share Your Mary Sue!
« Reply #14 on: November 12, 2008, 08:13:45 am »
Actually it was pretty clever.

Learn to take a joke, guys.
Not a winner anymore.