Author Topic: Bad Jokes  (Read 21422 times)

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gec05

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #75 on: May 30, 2006, 10:10:39 am »
Here's a bad one.

How do you stop black kids from jumping on the bed?

Put Velcro on the ceiling.

Offline Aybraus

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #76 on: May 30, 2006, 11:11:44 am »
http://www.brownielocks.com/elephantjokes.html

How many dead babies does it take to cover a living room floor?
Depends on how thin you slice 'em!

Where do you find a no-legged puppy?
Wherever you last left it.
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Offline Grangan

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #77 on: January 11, 2009, 03:53:31 pm »
What starts with an "f" and ends in "uck"

Firetruck

What starts with p and ends in orn?  Popcorn, get your mind out of the gutter!

What starts in "s" and ends with "hit"  ****
What stars in s and ends in hit?
Super Critical Hit!
Twas Brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe, all mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe.

Offline Detoxicated

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #78 on: January 11, 2009, 04:42:43 pm »
Whats green and jumping through the forest?
A pack of pickles
What is wrong about this answer?
Pickles are no pack-animals
OK, both of you die and let us know what happens.

Offline HanianKnight

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #79 on: January 11, 2009, 05:10:20 pm »
Why did JFK go to the mental institution?


He was out of his mind!
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Offline IamMe

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #80 on: January 11, 2009, 07:56:24 pm »
So this man walks into a bar...

His addiction to alcohol is destroying his family.

EDIT: Also I just noticed this was dug up from the grave. :O

Offline munchkin5

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #81 on: January 12, 2009, 01:16:11 pm »
So this man walks into a bar...

His addiction to alcohol is destroying his family.

EDIT: Also I just noticed this was dug up from the grave. :O

Aybraus must of killed it with his dead baby joke so here's a few...

how do you get a hundred babies in a phone box?
blender

how do you get them back out again
doritos

and finally

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?
getting raped

they're really only bad because, well you know.

Offline Kaizer

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #82 on: January 12, 2009, 03:45:33 pm »
So two men are walking around when they find a genie lamp. The genie grants them both three wishes, the first guy wishes everyone in his town was a hot girl, the second guy wishes for a new car. The first guy laughs and says "haha you could of had everyone in your town a hot girl!" The first mans second wish is that everyone in his state is a hot girl, the second man wishes for a new house. The first man laughs and says "haha you could of had everyone in your state a hot girl!" The first guys last wish is for everyone in the world was a hot girl............The second guy wishes the first guy was gay.

Offline Yannick

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #83 on: January 13, 2009, 07:20:40 am »
A bear and a rabbit are taking a crap in the woods. The bear says to the rabbit: Don't you hate it that crap sticks to your fur?

Rabbit: Not really


At which the bear promptly takes the rabbit and wipes his ass with it ;D

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Offline Glacies

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #84 on: January 15, 2009, 03:36:16 am »
What did the leper say to the prostitute?

You can keep the tip.

Offline SBD

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #85 on: January 17, 2009, 09:48:55 pm »
Whats the difference between an epileptic abalone shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One fits and shucks, the other sh**s and f**ks.

Offline UFO King

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #86 on: January 17, 2009, 10:52:30 pm »
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get the Chinese newspaper. Get it? Well, neither do I. I get USA Today.

Did you hear the one about the ceiling?
Oh, well, it's way over your head.

A man walks into a bar. He says "Ow."

Three hunters were walking in the woods when they came across some strange tracks. "These are bear tracks," the first hunter declared. "No, these are moose tracks," the second hunter said. The third hunter didn't get to say anything because he was hit by a train.

A manager says to his secretary, "Bring me fresh coffee!" When he gets his coffee, he spits it out in disgust and says "This is revolting! It tastes like dirt!" The secretary replies, "You said you wanted it freshly ground."

WARNING: LONG JOKE AHEAD! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
Once upon a time, there was a man named Skipper. Every day at work Skipper would brag "I know everyone there is to know in the world." So one day his boss got fed up and says "Okay then, why don't you prove it?" So Skipper replied, "Alright, name a person and we'll go to him and I'll prove myself right." His boss thought long and hard and said "Tom Cruise." Skipper said "Oh, that's easy. Tom and I were childhood friends." So Skipper and his boss got on a plane to Hollywood. While on a tour there, Skipper saw Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise said "Skipper! Great to see you, old buddy. How are things going? Let's discuss it over lunch." So Skipper and his boss had lunch and a discussion with Tom Cruise. Then Skipper asked his boss, "Okay, who next?" to which his boss immediately responded, "The President of the United States." Skipper said "That'll be a piece of cake. I sponsored his campaign, you know." So Skipper and his boss got on a plane to Washington, D.C. While on a tour of the White House, Barack Obama came along and said, "Skipper! How long has it been? I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got a bill to sign. See you around!" Now Skipper's boss was a little shook up by this, but he was not an easily startled man. Skipper asked, "Who next?" His boss thought for a very long time. Finally, he replied, "The Pope." Skipper said, "That's easy. My family is very religious and we're well acquainted with him." So Skipper and his boss got on a plane to the Vatican. While in the main area, Skipper said "This will never work. There are too many people here for the Pope to notice me. Hold on, I'll go up and wave to everyone with the Pope. It's okay, the guards all know me." So the guards let Skipper in and Skipper went up to the balcony and waved to all the people with the Pope. When he came down, he saw his boss surrounded by paramedics. He rushed to his boss's side and asked "What happened?" His boss said "You were up there with the Pope waving to everybody when a guy next to me said 'who's that up there on the balcony with Skipper?'"
I came, I saw, I went back to bed.

Offline eropS

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #87 on: January 19, 2009, 09:03:17 pm »
You dont think we all havent heard that one do you?

Why was 8 scared of 9?

Because in Russia, 9 8 YOU!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Holy crap i soiled myself laughing.
No, no, he did. In the everything else section, at least. Officially, this makes him king.

Offline UFO King

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #88 on: January 19, 2009, 10:12:15 pm »
This is a bad one.

A guy doesn't like the boy his daughter is dating, so one night before his daughter goes out with her boyfriend, he puts glitter on the inside of her clothes. The next morning, the guy checks the boy's hands and they're clean. So he sighs and reluctantly says, "All right, I guess you can marry my daughter." The boy smiles and his teeth are covered in glitter.
I came, I saw, I went back to bed.

Offline IamMe

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #89 on: January 20, 2009, 12:04:17 pm »
What is a four letter word that means "poop", starts with an s, ends with a t, and has one vowel in it?






Scat