Author Topic: Bad Jokes  (Read 21370 times)

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Offline merridian

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Bad Jokes
« on: September 07, 2005, 02:00:53 pm »
Ok im sure we all have heard/made up some really bad jokes in our time, and this is the place to post your knowledge.

The worse the joke the better, from the group groaners to the ones you know you shouldn't laugh at but do anyway.

It would be good to hear if there are any games related puns out there, but any old Bad Joke will do.

So come on all you Jovial Jockulators, Minions of Mirth, Heralds of Humour and Kings of Comedy

Gimme your worst!!

****Now th boring bit the rules****

NO RACIST, BIGOTTED, ANTI-RELIGIOUS, OR OTHERWISE OFFENSIVE JOKES PLEASE, THIS IS MEANT TO BE FUN AND EVERY ONE HAS TO PLAY NICE.

THANK YOU

ok i will start off, this is one i read just today.
Q. How many paladins does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 2, one to change the bulb and another to uphold the Light.

<boom> <boom>


FATE DOESN'T HANG ON A WRONG OR RIGHT CHOICE, FORTUNE DEPENDS ON THE TONE OF THE VOICE

Offline 762

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2005, 04:13:37 pm »
There's a whole page on modified "why did the chicken cross the road" jokes with celebrity responses. There is a tad bit of course language, I haven't read all of them so I don't know the entire content, so read at your own discretion.

http://www.chickenjoke.com/

Most of these jokes are very bad.

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Offline Leng

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2005, 04:40:17 pm »
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world

Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!

Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!

Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
I have been told
not by one but two of my lovers
that I've got a heart of gold
but I'm unable to share it with others
They call me a poet who'll never have a poem
a tiger with no taste for bone
I'm the wonderful wonderful wizard who's waltzing alone

Offline Oviraptor

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2005, 04:55:00 pm »
What is the integral of 1/cabin dcabin?

(highlight between the smilies for the answer)

 :D Houseboat :D

Edit: Most people probably won't get the joke.

Offline musical disaster

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2005, 08:14:11 pm »
yeah so the pope an eskimo and a carebear go into a bar.....


^
 I
  think
        that
             was
                 the
                     joke.
im too sewxy for my notes

Offline Deep Lee

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2005, 12:40:42 am »
did you hear the one about the 1-armed fisherman?
 he caught a fish THIS BIG! (this is where you hold up 1 arm with hand flat to indicate a space between where your other hand should be)   ha.

Offline 762

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #6 on: September 09, 2005, 07:51:59 pm »
What do you call a hood cover for your corvette?

 :D a sports bra :D

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Offline Danzik

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2005, 02:23:45 am »
Two guys walk into a bar; the third one ducks.

Offline Vivec

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2005, 08:55:21 pm »
OK, so this duck walks into a drugstore and says, "Give me some chapstick, and put it on my bill."

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #9 on: September 11, 2005, 06:33:19 am »
So what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the water?  BOB

Offline 762

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #10 on: September 11, 2005, 08:26:21 am »
WARNING! DEAD BABY JOKE! READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!

What's more fun than swinging a baby around a clothes line at 200 MPH?

 :D Stopping it with a shovel:D

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Offline merridian

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #11 on: September 11, 2005, 09:16:34 am »
what is brown yellow and white, and travels at 100 miles per hour?

A train driver's egg sandwich
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Offline LadyM

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #12 on: September 11, 2005, 08:42:15 pm »
what do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying on the floor?  MAT

Offline merridian

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #13 on: September 13, 2005, 01:24:30 pm »
A man is in a hospital bed, the doctor comes up to him and says,
'I have some good news and some bad news'

' I'll have the bad news first doctor' says the patient

'We had to chop off both your legs' replied the doctor

'Oh my goodness' wailed the patient, 'What's the good news'

'The man in the next bed wants to buy yous shoes' said the doctor
FATE DOESN'T HANG ON A WRONG OR RIGHT CHOICE, FORTUNE DEPENDS ON THE TONE OF THE VOICE

Offline DevilMachine

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #14 on: September 13, 2005, 01:41:25 pm »
Whats red and walks into walls?

 :D a baby with forks in its eyes  :D

Offline LadyM

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #15 on: September 13, 2005, 04:40:59 pm »
What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs propped up against the wall?  ILENE

Offline Vivec

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #16 on: September 16, 2005, 02:12:51 pm »
What do u call a guy with no arms and no legs lying in front of ur door? Matt

... siting on an easel? Art

... floating in the water? Bobby

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Offline Legodragonxp

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #17 on: September 17, 2005, 06:17:31 pm »
A baby seal walks in to a club.

Offline LadyM

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #18 on: September 20, 2005, 09:45:54 am »
A group of theater students decided it would be fun to train a flock of chickens to perform Hamlet. After many hours of practice, it was time for opening night. Sadly just as the first patrons were starting to arrive, a group pf police officers arrived and shut down the theater. The police department would make no official statement as to why the action was taken, but it was believed that fowl play was suspected. :P

Offline Pinstar

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #19 on: September 25, 2005, 02:29:41 pm »
Once upon a time there was a kingdom. This kingdom was ruled by a great and powerful bear. Most of the kingdom lived in poverty. The only real way to gain wealth and power for your family was to become one of the bear's royal knights. In order to become a royal knight, a man had to have an interview with the bear. If the bear liked the man, he was knighted on the spot. However, if the bear didn't like the man, the bear struck him dead with a single blow of his mighty paw. The bear wasn't completely heartless. To compensate a family for the loss, the bear gived them a canine from the royal kennel...which was valueable prize in of itself. So it was the general agreement that:

The best thing after a bad knight was the dog of the bear that hit you.
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Offline Vivec

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #20 on: September 25, 2005, 04:01:34 pm »
u should use "hare" instead of "bear"
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Offline Samog

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #21 on: September 25, 2005, 05:56:29 pm »
A yogi walks into a Subway restaurant. He tells the guy at the counter, "Make me one with everything."
"Fine. Don't believe me. I'm not lying. all your laziness which you mistake for something funney is driving me insane, quit fooling around!  dude this is just wrong, very wrong. reality does not consist of constrained language. go lock this thread malt. I love the payment."4MOD

Offline SumGI

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #22 on: September 27, 2005, 03:38:23 pm »
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Boo!"
"Boo who?"
"I shouldn't have knocked on the door."
« Last Edit: September 27, 2005, 03:41:52 pm by SumGI »
"By placing a light in a field at night, the boy flies fly in, and as they pass near the light they are unknowingly shot in the reproductives by invisible radiation and sterilized...
They mate and die happy. The female lays her eggs and she dies happy. The eggs die and we are happy..."

Offline 762

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #23 on: September 28, 2005, 01:59:31 pm »
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Want
Want who?
Very good, now try counting to three!

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Offline Vivec

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #24 on: October 01, 2005, 07:27:54 pm »
Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?


One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other holds groceries.
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Offline merridian

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #25 on: October 02, 2005, 01:08:41 pm »
Man 1: I used to know a gentleman with one leg, named Smith.

Man 2: Really! What was the name of his other leg?
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Offline 762

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #26 on: October 03, 2005, 05:11:50 pm »
What do you get when you cross a poisonous snake with a horse?
I dunno, but if it bites you, you can ride it to the hospital!

Why are crocodiles brown and flat?
Because if they were yellow and round, they'd be lemons.

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Offline Kishmond

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #27 on: October 05, 2005, 02:30:42 pm »
What is an appropiate term for Spore information these past few months?



Spor(e)adic...
Yeah, [Kishmond] came back from Africa, but the ponies have him now.

Offline Vivec

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #28 on: October 05, 2005, 05:02:04 pm »
What is an appropiate term for Spore information these past few months?

zilch seems better 2 me
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Offline Osiris

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #29 on: October 05, 2005, 09:04:34 pm »
what did one blood cell say to the other



"can i use your cell phone?"

Offline Cobra

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #30 on: October 05, 2005, 09:45:25 pm »
Q. Whats brown and sticky?

A. A stick

Offline Vivec

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #31 on: October 06, 2005, 11:40:46 am »
What starts with an "f" and ends in "uck"

Firetruck
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Offline 762

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #32 on: October 06, 2005, 01:11:54 pm »
Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner fudge is made!

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Offline Wahh

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #33 on: October 12, 2005, 06:51:47 pm »
Sorry, someone already used the bar joke.  Okay, so two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.  Bum Bum Tish!

Also note, the spell checker does not recognize okay, but does recognize "Tish."
« Last Edit: October 12, 2005, 06:54:53 pm by Wahh »


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Offline 762

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #34 on: October 13, 2005, 12:34:35 pm »
Ok, so a guy walked into a bar. He said "Ouch."

The joke being that it was not the type of bar where alcohol and fun are served, rather a gold bar or something.

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Offline Wahh

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #35 on: October 13, 2005, 05:01:11 pm »
How do you get a rhino to stop charging?  Take away his credit card!  :D

Cue loud groaning.... now.


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Offline Samog

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #36 on: October 13, 2005, 05:03:51 pm »
What does Snoop Dogg clean his laundry with?

Ble-YOTCH!

What does Snoop Dogg eat with his salad?

Bacon bee-YOTS!
"Fine. Don't believe me. I'm not lying. all your laziness which you mistake for something funney is driving me insane, quit fooling around!  dude this is just wrong, very wrong. reality does not consist of constrained language. go lock this thread malt. I love the payment."4MOD

Offline LadyM

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #37 on: October 13, 2005, 05:15:01 pm »
Why Does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella???


...For Drizzle!!!!!

Offline Wahh

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #38 on: October 13, 2005, 05:45:53 pm »
I think one of the most random jokes I heard is

What happened to the kitten that fell in the well?

 ??? It drowned.   :-\


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Offline Vivec

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #39 on: October 13, 2005, 05:48:34 pm »
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A boy fell in the mud.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
He took a Bubble Bath.

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubble is the girl next door.
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Offline Wahh

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #40 on: October 13, 2005, 06:16:50 pm »
Do you remember that episode of Spongebob where Patrick tells the story of the Ugly Barnacle?

SpongeBob:  I'm so ugly, I'm so ugly!

Patrick: Maybe a story will cheer you up.

Patrick: Once there was an ugly barnacle, he was sooo ugly, that everyone died.  The End!

SpongeBob: That didn't cheer me up at all.  :(


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Offline 762

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #41 on: October 14, 2005, 01:50:47 pm »
What's black and white and red all over?
Old photos of Stalin.

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Offline Wahh

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #42 on: October 16, 2005, 04:47:21 pm »
What's black and white and red all over?

A bloody penguin rolling down a hill! (Sorry Vivec)


This guy's songs are freaking awesome! Just look at that earbean picture as my avatar!
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Offline Vivec

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #43 on: October 17, 2005, 05:27:21 pm »
What's black and white and red all over?

A bloody penguin rolling down a hill! (Sorry Vivec)


*sniff* you make penguin angry... You not like penguin when hes angry
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Offline 762

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #44 on: October 20, 2005, 12:35:04 pm »
A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

"You son of a bitch!" says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

"Oh my god, I am going to kill you!!" says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. "No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time". He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead."

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Offline Wahh

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #45 on: October 20, 2005, 02:55:00 pm »
Sorry Vivec.  :'(

What starts with p and ends in orn?  Popcorn, get your mind out of the gutter!


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Offline LadyM

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #46 on: October 20, 2005, 05:48:15 pm »
What do you get when you cross a poisonous snake with a horse?
I dunno, but if it bites you, you can ride it to the hospital!

Offline Wahh

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #47 on: October 20, 2005, 07:10:36 pm »
I'm suprised that we said every single black and white and read all over joke but the original:

What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper


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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #48 on: October 22, 2005, 10:52:35 am »
What did the Momma Buffalo say to her child as he left for school?

Bison!

Offline Vivec

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #49 on: October 22, 2005, 07:18:03 pm »
Why don't sharks eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.
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Offline Osiris

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #50 on: October 25, 2005, 07:48:07 pm »
what does a cow have four that a girl has two of      ""legs""

what did one bloodcell say to the other     ""can I use your cellphone""

What did the fish say when he hit a cement wall     ""dam""

two brothers are stranded on an island brotherA says to brotherB "the only thing wee can eat right now is seaweed' the two brothers find a cave brotherA says to brotherB "I have gathered enough seaweed to last us a few days to, the seaweed is to the right of our cave by the beach the sticks and bark are to the left of our cave, could you go get some twigs and bark so we can make a fire?" brotherB leaves the cave while brotherA rests. brotherB comes back looking troubled. "what is wrong" brotherA asks brotherB. brotherBsays "all I can find is seaweed".

Offline Vivec

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #51 on: October 25, 2005, 08:03:43 pm »
two brothers are stranded on an island brotherA says to brotherB "the only thing wee can eat right now is seaweed' the two brothers find a cave brotherA says to brotherB "I have gathered enough seaweed to last us a few days to, the seaweed is to the right of our cave by the beach the sticks and bark are to the left of our cave, could you go get some twigs and bark so we can make a fire?" brotherB leaves the cave while brotherA rests. brotherB comes back looking troubled. "what is wrong" brotherA asks brotherB. brotherBsays "all I can find is seaweed".

huh?
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Offline 762

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #52 on: October 26, 2005, 12:31:49 pm »
Two brothers are stranded on an island. One's name is Jim and the other's is Jack. Jim says to Jack, "The only thing we can eat right now is seaweed." They find a cave, and Jim says to Jack, "I have gathered enough seaweed to last us a few days. The seaweed is to the right of our cave, by the beach. The sticks and bark are to the left of our cave. Could you go get some twigs and bark so we can make a fire?" Jack leaves the cave while Jim rests. Jack comes back looking troubled. "What's wrong?" Jim asked. Jack said "All I can find is seaweed."

I made it easier to read, but I still don't get it.

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Offline Osiris

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #53 on: October 26, 2005, 01:42:54 pm »
neither do I, I just posted it

Offline Vivec

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #54 on: October 26, 2005, 03:52:51 pm »
neither do I, I just posted it

Wahh!?! Oops... Waaagh!?!
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Offline Krakow Sam

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #55 on: October 26, 2005, 04:10:48 pm »
A vietnamese man and a Polish man are drinking at a bar. The Pole turns round and punches the Vietnamese in the face, "What was that for?" says the vietnamese. "that was for Pearl Harbor" says the Pole. "but that was the Japanese!" says the vietnamese. "listen" says the Pole "Vietnamese, chinese, japanese...you're all the same". They go back to drinking and the Vietnamese punches the pole in the face "that was for the Titanic!". "What?" says the Pole "but that was an iceberg!". "Listen" says the Vietnamese "Goldberg, Spielberg..."
Sam is basically right, he's just cranky.

Offline Pando

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #56 on: October 27, 2005, 07:18:01 am »
What starts with an "f" and ends in "uck"

Firetruck

What starts with p and ends in orn?  Popcorn, get your mind out of the gutter!

What starts in "s" and ends with "hit"  ****

Offline Krakow Sam

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #57 on: October 27, 2005, 07:45:44 am »
Oh my God, i never saw that coming! give the man a medal! ::)
Sam is basically right, he's just cranky.

Offline Osiris

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #58 on: October 27, 2005, 02:42:30 pm »
thats rich :D

Offline Krakow Sam

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #59 on: October 27, 2005, 04:31:32 pm »
may i ask why?

Whats it called when a blonde dyes her hair Brown?
Artificial intelligence

What do you call it when a brunette dyes her hair Blonde?
Lobotomy
Sam is basically right, he's just cranky.

Offline WoozleWazzle

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #60 on: November 04, 2005, 12:19:58 am »
Wanna hear a dirty joke?

A man fell into a mudpuddle!  :-\
"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."  —George Bush, Sept. 13, 2001

"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." — March 13, 2002

Offline Pando

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #61 on: November 05, 2005, 07:13:13 am »
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A boy fell in the mud.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
He took a Bubble Bath.

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubble is the girl next door.

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

A man fell into a mudpuddle! :-\

Those are very similar :o

Offline WoozleWazzle

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #62 on: November 05, 2005, 07:24:36 am »
sorry, (i didn't read all 5 pages of bad jokes...) my bad
"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."  —George Bush, Sept. 13, 2001

"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." — March 13, 2002

Offline Krakow Sam

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #63 on: November 05, 2005, 12:19:43 pm »
Its a little known fact that candy has parties in the store after all the people have gone. At one such party, a marshmallow (widely known to be soft and cowerdly) makes friends with a Gobstopper (the hardest, toughest candy around). "Dont worry about anything" says the gobstopper "If anyone tries anything with you I'll beat them up" at that moment a stick of gum walks past and starts beating the crap out of the marshmallow, the gobstopper just watches in fear. When its over the marshmallow says "I thought you said you would protect me, you said you were hard". "Yeah, I'm hard" says the Gobstopper "but he's menthol!" (mental, in english mental=crazy) 
Sam is basically right, he's just cranky.

Offline Pando

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #64 on: November 05, 2005, 02:05:56 pm »
that' s pretty good.

Offline Osiris

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #65 on: November 08, 2005, 03:04:29 pm »
1 what does Micheal Jackson and McDonalds have in common?    "they both put 40 year old meat in 6 year old buns"

2 what does Micheal Jackson an and x-box have in commen?      "little boys turn them both on"

3 what does Micheal Jackson and Walmart have in commen?        "all the kids pants are half off"  sorry Micheal Jackson fans

4 why do komaquazi pilots wear helmets

5 what do you get when you cross a helicopter, a rhino, and an elephant have in commen     "helifino"

Offline Pando

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #66 on: November 08, 2005, 03:15:00 pm »
Michael Jackson is writing a book, The Ins and Outs of Child Abuse

Offline Vivec

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #67 on: November 08, 2005, 05:21:04 pm »
Ok! I consider this an invitation for my Michael Jackson jokes.

What's a perfect 10 for Michael Jackson?
Two 5 year olds.

How do you know when Michael Jackson has a hot date?
There's a red tricycle in his driveway.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's white, made of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other holds groceries.
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Offline Pando

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #68 on: November 08, 2005, 06:06:35 pm »
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's white, made of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other holds groceries.

That a good one!

Offline Genusaus

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #69 on: January 11, 2006, 09:49:52 pm »
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A boy fell in the mud.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
He took a Bubble Bath.

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubble is the girl next door.
Is'nt it
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A boy fell in the mud.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
He took a bath with Bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door.
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Offline Vivec

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #70 on: January 12, 2006, 03:26:25 pm »
Is'nt it
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A boy fell in the mud.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
He took a bath with Bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door.

I think they both work.  Bubble Bath could be the name of a "special service", and that's what you actually call them.
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Offline Pando

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #71 on: January 12, 2006, 03:27:23 pm »
I think took a bath with Bubbles was better.

Offline Vivec

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #72 on: January 12, 2006, 10:24:48 pm »
Why do cats sing so well?

They have mewsical talent!
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Offline Sawmill

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #73 on: May 30, 2006, 07:47:30 am »
why is 8 scared of 7?

because 7 8 9

wooottt, ba ba ba boom
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Offline Krakow Sam

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #74 on: May 30, 2006, 08:49:55 am »
You dont think we all havent heard that one do you?

Why was 8 scared of 9?

Because in Russia, 9 8 YOU!!
Sam is basically right, he's just cranky.

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #75 on: May 30, 2006, 10:10:39 am »
Here's a bad one.

How do you stop black kids from jumping on the bed?

Put Velcro on the ceiling.

Offline Aybraus

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #76 on: May 30, 2006, 11:11:44 am »
http://www.brownielocks.com/elephantjokes.html

How many dead babies does it take to cover a living room floor?
Depends on how thin you slice 'em!

Where do you find a no-legged puppy?
Wherever you last left it.
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Offline Grangan

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #77 on: January 11, 2009, 03:53:31 pm »
What starts with an "f" and ends in "uck"

Firetruck

What starts with p and ends in orn?  Popcorn, get your mind out of the gutter!

What starts in "s" and ends with "hit"  ****
What stars in s and ends in hit?
Super Critical Hit!
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Offline Detoxicated

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #78 on: January 11, 2009, 04:42:43 pm »
Whats green and jumping through the forest?
A pack of pickles
What is wrong about this answer?
Pickles are no pack-animals
OK, both of you die and let us know what happens.

Offline HanianKnight

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #79 on: January 11, 2009, 05:10:20 pm »
Why did JFK go to the mental institution?


He was out of his mind!
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Offline IamMe

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #80 on: January 11, 2009, 07:56:24 pm »
So this man walks into a bar...

His addiction to alcohol is destroying his family.

EDIT: Also I just noticed this was dug up from the grave. :O

Offline munchkin5

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #81 on: January 12, 2009, 01:16:11 pm »
So this man walks into a bar...

His addiction to alcohol is destroying his family.

EDIT: Also I just noticed this was dug up from the grave. :O

Aybraus must of killed it with his dead baby joke so here's a few...

how do you get a hundred babies in a phone box?
blender

how do you get them back out again
doritos

and finally

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?
getting raped

they're really only bad because, well you know.

Offline Kaizer

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #82 on: January 12, 2009, 03:45:33 pm »
So two men are walking around when they find a genie lamp. The genie grants them both three wishes, the first guy wishes everyone in his town was a hot girl, the second guy wishes for a new car. The first guy laughs and says "haha you could of had everyone in your town a hot girl!" The first mans second wish is that everyone in his state is a hot girl, the second man wishes for a new house. The first man laughs and says "haha you could of had everyone in your state a hot girl!" The first guys last wish is for everyone in the world was a hot girl............The second guy wishes the first guy was gay.

Offline Yannick

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #83 on: January 13, 2009, 07:20:40 am »
A bear and a rabbit are taking a crap in the woods. The bear says to the rabbit: Don't you hate it that crap sticks to your fur?

Rabbit: Not really


At which the bear promptly takes the rabbit and wipes his ass with it ;D

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Offline Glacies

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #84 on: January 15, 2009, 03:36:16 am »
What did the leper say to the prostitute?

You can keep the tip.

Offline SBD

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #85 on: January 17, 2009, 09:48:55 pm »
Whats the difference between an epileptic abalone shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One fits and shucks, the other sh**s and f**ks.

Offline UFO King

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #86 on: January 17, 2009, 10:52:30 pm »
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get the Chinese newspaper. Get it? Well, neither do I. I get USA Today.

Did you hear the one about the ceiling?
Oh, well, it's way over your head.

A man walks into a bar. He says "Ow."

Three hunters were walking in the woods when they came across some strange tracks. "These are bear tracks," the first hunter declared. "No, these are moose tracks," the second hunter said. The third hunter didn't get to say anything because he was hit by a train.

A manager says to his secretary, "Bring me fresh coffee!" When he gets his coffee, he spits it out in disgust and says "This is revolting! It tastes like dirt!" The secretary replies, "You said you wanted it freshly ground."

WARNING: LONG JOKE AHEAD! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
Once upon a time, there was a man named Skipper. Every day at work Skipper would brag "I know everyone there is to know in the world." So one day his boss got fed up and says "Okay then, why don't you prove it?" So Skipper replied, "Alright, name a person and we'll go to him and I'll prove myself right." His boss thought long and hard and said "Tom Cruise." Skipper said "Oh, that's easy. Tom and I were childhood friends." So Skipper and his boss got on a plane to Hollywood. While on a tour there, Skipper saw Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise said "Skipper! Great to see you, old buddy. How are things going? Let's discuss it over lunch." So Skipper and his boss had lunch and a discussion with Tom Cruise. Then Skipper asked his boss, "Okay, who next?" to which his boss immediately responded, "The President of the United States." Skipper said "That'll be a piece of cake. I sponsored his campaign, you know." So Skipper and his boss got on a plane to Washington, D.C. While on a tour of the White House, Barack Obama came along and said, "Skipper! How long has it been? I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got a bill to sign. See you around!" Now Skipper's boss was a little shook up by this, but he was not an easily startled man. Skipper asked, "Who next?" His boss thought for a very long time. Finally, he replied, "The Pope." Skipper said, "That's easy. My family is very religious and we're well acquainted with him." So Skipper and his boss got on a plane to the Vatican. While in the main area, Skipper said "This will never work. There are too many people here for the Pope to notice me. Hold on, I'll go up and wave to everyone with the Pope. It's okay, the guards all know me." So the guards let Skipper in and Skipper went up to the balcony and waved to all the people with the Pope. When he came down, he saw his boss surrounded by paramedics. He rushed to his boss's side and asked "What happened?" His boss said "You were up there with the Pope waving to everybody when a guy next to me said 'who's that up there on the balcony with Skipper?'"
I came, I saw, I went back to bed.

Offline eropS

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #87 on: January 19, 2009, 09:03:17 pm »
You dont think we all havent heard that one do you?

Why was 8 scared of 9?

Because in Russia, 9 8 YOU!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Holy crap i soiled myself laughing.
No, no, he did. In the everything else section, at least. Officially, this makes him king.

Offline UFO King

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #88 on: January 19, 2009, 10:12:15 pm »
This is a bad one.

A guy doesn't like the boy his daughter is dating, so one night before his daughter goes out with her boyfriend, he puts glitter on the inside of her clothes. The next morning, the guy checks the boy's hands and they're clean. So he sighs and reluctantly says, "All right, I guess you can marry my daughter." The boy smiles and his teeth are covered in glitter.
I came, I saw, I went back to bed.

Offline IamMe

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Re: Bad Jokes
« Reply #89 on: January 20, 2009, 12:04:17 pm »
What is a four letter word that means "poop", starts with an s, ends with a t, and has one vowel in it?






Scat