Author Topic: Frkkr and Jwalania  (Read 4002 times)

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Offline The Time Traveller

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Frkkr and Jwalania
« on: January 13, 2008, 07:01:28 am »
((This is between me and Blarg.))

"Sergeant?" "Yes?" "Our scout ships have failed!  The creatures on this planet aren't edible at all!" "Why?" "It would appear that as soon as we bite them, they blow up!" "That is certainly bad!  I think I'll eat you instead!"

*Please Stand By*

"So, what do you think we should do with this planet?" "I don't know.  The standard procedure.  Konk it into the sun."

The gravitation ships were sent in.  In exactly 24.289 minutes, they would activate.


Warning: Hot.  Choking Hazard for children under 3.  Please do not exit until the vehicle comes to a complete stop.  EULA removes all human rights.  Special features are not rated.  Side effects include  cardiac arrest and spontaneous falling off of body parts.  May contain nuts.  Acts are being performed by trained proffesionals.  Results not typical.  Thank you for flying with United Airlines.

Offline Blarg

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Re: Frkkr and Jwalania
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2008, 12:22:09 pm »
The King just sighed while he watched the great, alein ships floating above the atmosphere (well, he didn't sigh, since he breathes through his skin, the wurm he was attached to did, though). They hadn't been introduced to the galaxy but for a few weeks, and look what had happened already! Large, stupid, bipedal aliens came in, tried to eat a town, then left. Now it looked like the Empire was getting ready to be invaded... or something even worse.

----------------------------------------------

Almost an hour later, and one of the first Blargbellian pilots was lifting off into space for a negotiation with whoever the heck it was that was trying to kill them. This particular pilot, Kjjffl, was not known for his intelligence, but he WAS the only one dumb enough to want to fly in a spacecraft that had hardly been tested. So, he was the only one going up, along with the diplomat himself and a few guards.

The diplomat, Ffrrk, sent up a transmission to the space craft.

"Hello, alien species... or whatever! I am Ffrrk, and I'm here to talk 'n' stuff! Could ya let us in, please?"


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Better to live like there was a God, then die and find out there isn't than to live like there wasn't a God then die and find out there is.

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Offline The Time Traveller

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Re: Frkkr and Jwalania
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2008, 05:46:39 pm »
"Hello, inedible life form.  We have decided to konk your planet directly into your home star due to your inedible status.  Please return to you home planet as it is destroyed."  The ship was then hit with a missile that made it lose control of itself and drift back down.
Warning: Hot.  Choking Hazard for children under 3.  Please do not exit until the vehicle comes to a complete stop.  EULA removes all human rights.  Special features are not rated.  Side effects include  cardiac arrest and spontaneous falling off of body parts.  May contain nuts.  Acts are being performed by trained proffesionals.  Results not typical.  Thank you for flying with United Airlines.

Offline Blarg

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Re: Frkkr and Jwalania
« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2008, 05:30:53 am »
"Oh, wonderful. Alrighty everyone, back up we go!"

The ship then righted itsef using some smaller thrusters located on the top and front, then slowly made its way to the larger alien vessel.

"Listen, whoever you are. I'd rather not me decimated by you guys, so tell ya wht. We can make a deal with ya. We have supplies you might like... maybe some exotic foods? Weaponry? Private hunting grounds? A territory?"


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Better to live like there was a God, then die and find out there isn't than to live like there wasn't a God then die and find out there is.

Christianity is a relationship, not a religion.

Offline The Time Traveller

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Re: Frkkr and Jwalania
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2008, 05:47:33 am »
"EXOTIC FOODS? Certainly! Weaponry and territories!  Sure!  Just drop them off in the Death Cook, 5 lightyears away, in ten minutes, ane we will gladly not put your planet in the sun."
Warning: Hot.  Choking Hazard for children under 3.  Please do not exit until the vehicle comes to a complete stop.  EULA removes all human rights.  Special features are not rated.  Side effects include  cardiac arrest and spontaneous falling off of body parts.  May contain nuts.  Acts are being performed by trained proffesionals.  Results not typical.  Thank you for flying with United Airlines.

Offline Blarg

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Re: Frkkr and Jwalania
« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2008, 06:06:08 am »
"Um, well, I can do everything but the territories. You'll have to come settle those yourself. Because, you know, it's a piece of land. If we could kindly have directions to whatever his Deathcook" you're talking about is?"


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Better to live like there was a God, then die and find out there isn't than to live like there wasn't a God then die and find out there is.

Christianity is a relationship, not a religion.

Offline The Time Traveller

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Re: Frkkr and Jwalania
« Reply #6 on: January 20, 2008, 06:56:05 pm »
The directions were given, and the Blarbells went.  When they got there, gifts were recieved.  Afterwards, they were informed that the gifts could not stop the movement, and that their planet would be tilted in five minutes.  A trap door opened, dropping them in a seemingly inescapable incinerator.
Warning: Hot.  Choking Hazard for children under 3.  Please do not exit until the vehicle comes to a complete stop.  EULA removes all human rights.  Special features are not rated.  Side effects include  cardiac arrest and spontaneous falling off of body parts.  May contain nuts.  Acts are being performed by trained proffesionals.  Results not typical.  Thank you for flying with United Airlines.

Offline Blarg

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Re: Frkkr and Jwalania
« Reply #7 on: January 21, 2008, 03:12:54 pm »
((Well, I'm pretty much screwed unless you change your post or someone comes in to miraculously save me. Cause, you know, my race is pretty much the most underdeveloped race technology-wise on these boards. :|))


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Better to live like there was a God, then die and find out there isn't than to live like there wasn't a God then die and find out there is.

Christianity is a relationship, not a religion.

Offline The Time Traveller

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Re: Frkkr and Jwalania
« Reply #8 on: January 21, 2008, 04:50:34 pm »
((I was thinking that you come up with a miraculous Jamesbondesque escape, shoot down the gravity machine, and then Elbeasts become a bit more wary and start peace.))
Warning: Hot.  Choking Hazard for children under 3.  Please do not exit until the vehicle comes to a complete stop.  EULA removes all human rights.  Special features are not rated.  Side effects include  cardiac arrest and spontaneous falling off of body parts.  May contain nuts.  Acts are being performed by trained proffesionals.  Results not typical.  Thank you for flying with United Airlines.

Offline Blarg

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Re: Frkkr and Jwalania
« Reply #9 on: January 21, 2008, 05:05:23 pm »
((Well, realistically I can't. If you look at my first post in the thread, I've only been in the galaxy for a few months. So. Either you fix it, change your mind, or I go bye bye.))


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Better to live like there was a God, then die and find out there isn't than to live like there wasn't a God then die and find out there is.

Christianity is a relationship, not a religion.

Offline The Time Traveller

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Re: Frkkr and Jwalania
« Reply #10 on: January 21, 2008, 05:09:49 pm »
((How about this?))

In the Blargbell's best luck ever, every single worker on the gravity machine spontaneously compusted simultaneously, destroying the machine.  The tangled up metal, however, fell on Frkkr, and landed precisely 10 inches (luck again) from the King.
Warning: Hot.  Choking Hazard for children under 3.  Please do not exit until the vehicle comes to a complete stop.  EULA removes all human rights.  Special features are not rated.  Side effects include  cardiac arrest and spontaneous falling off of body parts.  May contain nuts.  Acts are being performed by trained proffesionals.  Results not typical.  Thank you for flying with United Airlines.

Offline Blarg

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Re: Frkkr and Jwalania
« Reply #11 on: January 21, 2008, 06:40:30 pm »
This, of course, caused havoc on Blargbellia, especially after the King, a day later, found out that the Elbeasts were also part of the Galactic Senate, which the Blargbells themselves recently joined. This caused an outrage, and the King personally went to see the Senate about it...

((More in the Senate thread.))


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Better to live like there was a God, then die and find out there isn't than to live like there wasn't a God then die and find out there is.

Christianity is a relationship, not a religion.

Offline The Time Traveller

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Re: Frkkr and Jwalania
« Reply #12 on: January 24, 2008, 07:23:13 pm »
"We shall give you one last offer, plain and simple:  join us and help us get food, and you shall recieve technology.  Don't and we shall attempt to incinerate your planet again."

This was heard coming from the body of every wurm on Frkrr.  The worms all then went unconscious and didn't come back to consciousness for three weeks.  The Blargbells were now clearly angry.
Warning: Hot.  Choking Hazard for children under 3.  Please do not exit until the vehicle comes to a complete stop.  EULA removes all human rights.  Special features are not rated.  Side effects include  cardiac arrest and spontaneous falling off of body parts.  May contain nuts.  Acts are being performed by trained proffesionals.  Results not typical.  Thank you for flying with United Airlines.

Offline Blarg

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Re: Frkkr and Jwalania
« Reply #13 on: January 25, 2008, 02:44:51 pm »
Thus, after the wurms all woke up again, the Blargbells realized they didn't have a choice. That didn't mean they had to LIKE it, though. They'd just have to bare through it until they found a way to get out of servitude.

A message went up to the Elbeasts.

"Fine. We will help you. You can even have a portion of our livestock. Just give us the technology, and leave us alone."

Angry muttering was heard on the other line for a second before it went off.


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Better to live like there was a God, then die and find out there isn't than to live like there wasn't a God then die and find out there is.

Christianity is a relationship, not a religion.

Offline The Time Traveller

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Re: Frkkr and Jwalania
« Reply #14 on: January 25, 2008, 02:46:00 pm »
"Sure."  About eighty unmanned Hexacanines were dropped on Frkrr, and a DIY Death Cook kit.
Warning: Hot.  Choking Hazard for children under 3.  Please do not exit until the vehicle comes to a complete stop.  EULA removes all human rights.  Special features are not rated.  Side effects include  cardiac arrest and spontaneous falling off of body parts.  May contain nuts.  Acts are being performed by trained proffesionals.  Results not typical.  Thank you for flying with United Airlines.