Jane Spencer: Now I know why Ed's been calling every half hour. You've been back on a case, haven't you?
Frank Drebin: No, no, I swear, it's another woman.
Jane Spencer: In your wildest dreams.
Frank Drebin: Cigarette?
Tanya Peters: Yes, I know.
Frank Drebin: Well... We shot a lot of people together. It's been great. But today I retire, so if I do any shooting now, it'll have to be within the confines of my own home. Hopefully, an intruder and not an in-law, like at my bachelor party.
Frank Drebin: Hey! You call this slop? Real slop has got chunks in it! This is more like gruel! And this Chateau le Blanc '68 is supposed to be served slightly chilled! This is room temperature! What do you think we are, animals?
Dr. Kohlzak: [at a Sperm Bank and Fertility Clinic, unbeknownst to Frank, who's faking an old football injury] When did you first notice the problem?
Frank Drebin: In the backyard, with my uncle.
Dr. Kohlzak: In the backyard... with your uncle?
Frank Drebin: Yes, when he comes over we like to go out in the backyard and throw it around for a while.
Dr. Kohlzak: And what did you and your uncle find out?
Frank Drebin: Oh, I can't keep up with him, mine hurt especially on the long ones. I can't seem to straighten it out, it has no feeling, it's... it's kind of numb. I may have yanked it too much maybe.
Dr. Kohlzak: [Hands him a cup and opens a door to another room] If you would.
Frank Drebin: For what?
Dr. Kohlzak: A sperm count.
Frank Drebin: In here?
Dr. Kohlzak: Well, it's not exactly the backyard, but it'll do.
That last quote is pushing it. They are all from the naked gun 33 1/3
