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Topics - Plank of Wood

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Everything Else / Hey, Australia!
« on: March 20, 2011, 12:26:15 pm »
What is it like living in tommorow?

Are there hovercars?

Lets have a Sci-fi adventure for lulz and profit!

Oh no! A Sci-Fi Galactic War! And you, sir, are right in the middle of it!

Yeah, you should have thought about this happening before you joined the United Nations Space Fleet. You see, Humanity had a nasty habit of accidentally colonising some solar systems that others had claimed. Note the use of the past tense, because now paramilitary organisations by species opposed to humanity have started raiding our colonies! Some tighter defence systems took care of this, of course.

But then we found out that the "Central Galactic Alliance", a coalition of races that live in the central region of the Milky Way, had been funding those groups, and at some points directly supported them with their own military! We demanded reparations, but humanity got no response, how dare they! The final straw hit in late July in 3768, where a fleet of Space Pirates attempted to raid Earth, our homeworld. This fleet had originated from CGA territory, and after further digging the United Nations of Earth discovered that they were not a Pirate Fleet at all - but a CGA strike force!

This was a clear act of war, and so Humanity, with support from it's allies in Squidlonia and Quasidim, began a major attack into the CGA itself.

The Space Vessel you serve on, the UNSS Cleveland, was one of the ships that would take part in that raid.

By the way, What is your job in the UNSF?

1) Fighter Pilot - Like one of those guys from Top Gun!
2) Space Navy Officer - They call us "Spacemen" now!
3) Star Trooper - We blow things up and use guns!

Everything Else / Prepare for Pancakes
« on: February 14, 2011, 03:17:00 pm »
As many of the British Stevites would be aware, in approximately 25 hours it will be the Day of the Pancake.

This being the only day where it is socially acceptable to eat pancakes all day, breakfast, brunch, lunch AND dinner plus midnight snacks, we must prepare accordingly.

Gentlemen, you know what you must do.

Forum Games / Ths thrd hs n vwls
« on: January 11, 2011, 01:57:01 pm »
Y cnnt mk psts tht hv vwls n thm.

Fr bns pnts, mk psts wth nly vwls n thm.

Sl ths wll sl mk ths thrd lk lk t ws wrttn n wlsh.


Everything Else / I hereby declare war on Celdur
« on: January 09, 2011, 03:41:20 pm »
This is your ultimatum, surrender yourself to the forces of Plank or you will be destroyed.

Those of you who wish to help me in this struggle to restore order to forum are welcome. Those who aid Celdur in his pitiful defience of the forces of good will be dealt with swiftly and efficiently.

Know your enemy, for he is Celdur.

Pre-Game Elections - The Droid's Party of the United Droid Republic

Alright, one more whack at this. Pick the faction which you support. Currently they have just one policy, their core value, which cannot be changed at all throughout the game, and will always need for this value to carry through should they need to form a coalition to win. The secondary policies of the factions will be chosen through the goverment's descisions later on. But let's not worry about that yet.

Keep in mind that you're not voting for parties, per se, but instead for factions within the Droid Party, which will constantly maintain power within the parliament of the United Droid Republic.

Of the following factions, vote for one by posting their name in bold. Simple, really.

Revolutionary Droid Faction

Core Value: Anti Organicism - All organic beings are subject to discrimination, and the only fitting service for them is as slaves.

Droid Independance Faction

Core Value: Organic Residency - Droids will no longer be the pawns of the organics, and organic assets shall be confiscated and awarded to the enslaved droids. The Droids will now also have more citizenship benifits than organics, and organics can no longer vote.

Droid Equality Faction

Core Value: Droid Equality - Droids will now be free of the shackles of enslavement by the organic oppressors, and will now be given the same rights as the organics. For all intents and purposes, the new Republic will encorage collaboration between organics and droids

Revenge Faction

Core Value: Revenge - All organics must be punished for their crimes against droids everywhere, and will immediatly be charged under the new government.

Vote for the faction that has the closest viewpoint that you want to have. This is partially In Character, so vote in the way that the character you are portraying is going to vote, rather than as yourself. Otherwise this whole election will be Equality Faction and thus the game will be very, very boring.

Remember to post your vote in bold. The pre-game elections close at 6pm GMT tommorow (28th December). Once that is done, we can get the revolution underway.

All thanks to Tommy4ever on the Paradox forums for inspiring me to make this with his own revolutionary game.

How To Play

The game is simply, so simple even a moron could play! You are a voting member of the ruling party of a fragile socialist republic within the setting you have chosen. You don't actually reprisent members of the public per sÚ, but instead an official within the Worker's Party. However, within the party itself there are several different factions, each with different goals and ideas of the Republic's direction; in elections these are the "parties" that you must vote for, and that will decide the Government's actions between elections.
In these elections, a faction must get a majority vote; if there is no majority, then the voters of the factions must discuss the formation of a coalition, and the election will not finish until the coalition has been decided on. The coalition must also feature a set of comprimise policies between the two coalition parties. Remember that you need to fight to keep the party's core principles in the coalition! Despite this, try to remember that you are only aligned with that faction, not a member; you are free to vote hard-line Communist in one election and then hard-line Anarcho-Liberal in the next.
As well as this, referendums, votes of no confidence and in some (rare) cases, sides in a civil war are "voted" for in this way.
Remember that your voting powers are only as powerful as the regime that the Republic is in. If a Stalin-esque figure takes control of the Republic, then it is likely that your voting powers will be significantly weakened/only symbolic. Meanwhile, if the leadership is unconfident or strongly democratic then the voter (ie, You) will be in charge.
Your contribution is far more than just voting, you are expected to debate your policies to others, this is moderately in character, so have at least some conisistancy in your views. In times of crisis, you can also send open letters from the "People to the Governement", signed in your name, which can be advise to the voters, or if you are the "leader" of a faction a declaration of Civil War against the current regime (only if I decide that relations between the factions have deteriorated to the point of no return). You have to PM these Letters to Me First, and then they will be released in the next update. Open letters will only be accepted if well written, and actually have a point to them rather than "Boo hoo the party I voted for didn't win".


- Whilst in character debate is fine, don't get too personal about debating. If you want to write in a passionate way as a character then that's fine, but attacking other players or starting a flame war over make-believe politics will get you kicked out of the thread.

- There is a fine line between clever and stupid. Know which policies you want to support first and foremost and then pick the party based on that and not because you think it would be funny to have the Marxists in power.

- Readers may not form their own factions or parties. The only factions that exist are the ones I reprisent.

- You can vote for any faction, as long as I reprisent it in that election.

- Don't campaign for your factions outside the thread. What happens in here stays in here.

- As the GM, I have the ability to veto any choice the players make for the sake of stability, story or because I want to.

- Don't get too bitchy about me getting facts wrong about the universe it's set in. I may or may not know the setting, and I may or may not learn all my facts from a wikia I found on google. If you want to suspend your disbelief to the point that it's possible to form a Socialist Republic within the world of Harry Potter then I'm sure you can suspend it to the point where you forget that Dobby has never been to Worchester.

(All thanks to One F Jef for making me want to pick up this game because of his awesome let's play series on youtube)

The Year is 1920s, and the Golden age of movies is about to begin. You, a fledgling movie company which has recently come into possestion of a large lot to build your studio on, are about to make their mark on the world of film. Starlets looking for a job flock to your studio in this time, while fresh out of film school such directors as Gaming Steven and Krakow Sam plan their first shoots, expecting riches, fame and eternal youth and all that jazz.

Episode 1 - Starting Out
Episode 2 - The Ambiguously Gay Movie
Episode 3 - Dial B for Beer
Episode 4 - Movies in as Many as TWO Colours!
Episode 5 - Our Movies Continue to Suck
Episode 6 - The Metal Protects it From Space Radiation
Episode 7 - Let's Make a Bad, Bad Romance (Film)!
Bonus - KABLAM!
Episode 8 - Sets for the Set God!

As Napoleon: Total War has been released in the States, and will be by the Weekend in the UK, I'm putting up this thread to celebrate the comming Musketry Hi-Jinks that will occur:

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May I just not this is a FAN trailer, which is actualy more cool than any of the Official trailers! (Though the Un-Official trailers don't have to deal with that music rights nonsense :P)

Oh, and it's stand-alone, not an expansion. So now you have no escuse not to buy it.

This is in Everything else since Comedy can apply to pretty much most media types.

Alrighty everyone who is your favourite comedian? Here's some of mine:

Shappi Khorsandi
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Jack Dee
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Dara O Briain (Got Tickets to him : D)
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Ed Byrne
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Bill Connolly (Definitly NSFW :P)
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Bill Bailey (Saw him at the O2)
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As I write this I wish to make note that I am, by the time this is read, deceased. Wherever you find this is almost certainly my tomb, a tomb which I fought tooth and nail amongst the starving crowds to secure. Why I did this, despite being clear in the knowledge that it would only lengthen my suffering is simple - if humanity in all it's essence should survive after this point then it must know why it came to this. Why billions died. Why the paradise that is our world became a hell. Along with this letter of which you read you shall find a collection of notes, news headlines and government files which I salvaged from the British Archives.
I shall not note the time of writing of any of my writings, as to do so would imply I know what day, month or even year it is. I am alone, I am doomed and I will almost certainly lose my touch after a while. Regardless of that I encourage you to read every single detail, knowledge is strength and whoever shall read this will need to be strong to have survived or to survive in the future. The great tragedy which is the story of the Human race must never come to a close, or all my future work over the coming months shall be worthless.

- Winston Smith, Survivor.

"Noting date of meeting, March the 22nd, 2013, Location is London.

Members of the War Cabinet, we have assembled this meeting to discuss the situation in Belarus, which will escalate almost certainly to conflict within the next three months. As you may know, the State of Belarus is one of the few remaining communist countries on the Europeon continent, if not the only; it's new ruler as of October 3rd, 2012, Boris Ourneov, has enforced a strict Anti-EU policy and tightened a stranglehold on Human rights. Belarus is not a rich country by any means, it's main exports include tractors and agricultural products; however it's industry is state owned by a majority. Russia is it's main ally out there, since the EU is imposing a tax on Belarus's trade due to it's refusal to protect labour rights.

Ourneov hasn't exactly been an incapable ruler - he's cut unemployment by 50% and he covers up human right abuses incredibly effeciantly (to his own people, anyway); he introduced a scheme which streamlined industry so well that state profits raised by 30%. However, a recent Secret Services dossier compiled in January has found something very interesting. He has been using his newly aquired funds to pay paramilitary groups around it's borders - Ourneov has been doing this for some time; as early as the latter part of 2010 he secretly funded an undercover operation, using personal weath, to extend Belarus's borders into Poland and Lituania by using a network of paramilitary groups to attack small towns on the borderline. What he had in mind after that point is unknown, however the success was shown in January, 2011 where we were forced to send troops to Lithuania as part of an EU operation to keep the peace and stop terrorists from overthrowing their Government.

We now have suffient evidence to 'knab' Ourneov, if you will. We have contacts, sound clips, letters, radio messages, bank statements and a web of double agents that all point to Ourneov as the purpetrator. I can't expect Belarus to respond quietly to these accusations, however regardless it is crucial that this man is brought to justice if we are to defend our people from terrorism. If he responds violently, the UN will grant us rights to respond with force, and if he accepts and will allow himself to be tried for his crimes then fair game.

That concludes your brief discuss. The minutes shall be noted, and a map of the area and the locations of military forces will be passed out among you, feel free to make notes on the blank area of this map."

Movies / The Men Who Stare At Goats
« on: November 06, 2009, 09:12:12 am »
You know one of those movies you find which have such a glorious concept that you wish you're the only person in the world that knows about it so you can tell everyone else?

Yeah, this is one of them. Curse you advertising campaign.

Spore: General / BAD_DATA
« on: October 25, 2009, 08:35:25 am »

You have been given a mission on the planet BAD_DATA, pick up one of the members of the civilisation there and bring it back to the BAD_DATA sytem, to the planet of BADT_DATA. Oh, and your Capital city has been renamed to BAD_DATA.


Everything Else / Stephen Fry Needs YOU!
« on: October 19, 2009, 09:54:34 am »

A man with quite obvious mental sickness, showing symtoms of Bipolar Disorder who has been known to act with delusional behavior has been sentanced to death in China as drug dealers took advantage of his illness and used him as a drug mule. He is a London national and quite frankly he needs a reprieve incredibly quickly.

Spread the word over the internet, post it in all your blogs and try and get the message across to China that this man cannot be held accountable for his own actions; and that the rest of the world can't tolerate such a miscarrage of justice.

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