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(http://i.imgur.com/xXHXSzO.jpg)
Your alarm is going off. You're going to be late for school if you don't get up.
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stay in bed
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(http://i.imgur.com/pmMHbUI.jpg)
You silence the alarm. Ugh.
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Nuts to school. Call a friend and see if he/she wants to ditch.
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(http://i.imgur.com/ZB553gY.jpg)
You pick up your phone to call your friends, and see you have new messages from two of them.
Messages
Dave (1)
"Lazarus" (4)
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Oh Jesus, "LAZARUS". That chump is probably leet as hell and not in a good way. :0
Let's see what Dave's message is first.
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(http://i.imgur.com/GfIZz1O.jpg)
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Yes, exactly. Dave hits out of the park once again, at only 7:30 in the morning no less.
See if he wants to skip school and hang out in a bit.
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(http://i.imgur.com/RKwRTT1.jpg)
yeah man
Messages
"Lazarus" (5)
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Sweet. Also Lazarus seems to really be wanting your attention. Five messages now. Seems pretty important!
Let's think a little longer about maybe getting around to his whole deal after getting dressed and grabbing a snack or something.
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(http://i.imgur.com/U7BBSef.jpg)
The boy can wait, because you're busy looking REALLY STELLAR! You've narrowed down the hair/makeup/clothes process to a mere 30 minutes. You wish you could skip some of it but keeping up a good appearance is vital to your self-esteem!
You're not sure if you want to grab a snack. You're never hungry in the morning.
Messages
"Lazarus" (5)
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But breakfast is the most important meal of the day!
Also hurry up and see what Lazarus wants. Dude came back from the dead, cut him some slack.
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(http://i.imgur.com/zsClhAx.jpg)
You settle down at the kitchen counter and pour yourself a bowl of Adequate-Os. Mom has already left for the day.
Lazarus is your boyfriend. His real name is Paul but that's the name is parents gave him and he resents it "because it's Biblical".
Your name is Abby Schimmler.
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Man I'm never hungry in the morning either.
Look outside.
I live for your background-drawing suffering, Slink.
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He resented Paul for being Biblical so he goes by Lazarus? Interesting fellow.
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(http://i.imgur.com/WvRrJZN.jpg)
You can see Dave's house across the street.
You notice that Mom still hasn't taken down the Christmas decorations. To be fair, winter goes well into April here, but it's mid-June already.
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Visit Dave's house.
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find a way to make a lot of money
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Eat the rest of the box of Adequate-Os.
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Do all of the above suggestions at once.
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No, the other thing.
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(http://i.imgur.com/bJS8UNZ.jpg)
You pour the rest of the Adequate-Os into a bowl and work on finishing them off as you amble over to Dave's house. It looks like his mom left the door open on the way out, or he did.
You don't know how to make a lot of money yet, but you do step on a five dollar bill.
Inventory
Bowl of Adequate-Os
$5
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Better shut the door so as to practise good home securi-
Nah stop kidding yourself it's home invasion time knowhatI'msayin'?!
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1) try to make more money
2) home invasion, dont be seen
3) get into bed with dave, dont be seen
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(http://i.imgur.com/7jrzzln.jpg)
There's a wallet sitting on the coffee table in Dave's living room. Your conscience says no, but your lust for wealth says yes.
Dave's room is upstairs, so you'll have to be up there before you can sneak into his warm cozy bed...
Inventory
Empty Bowl
$5
Messages
"Lazarus" (2)
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Leave the wallet. Sneak into Dave's bed, solicit for sex, profit.
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Take any money in the wallet and then solicit for sex.
And if you can make any more money along the way, so much the better.
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But what about your dumb boyfriend?
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(http://i.imgur.com/AwYTEK5.jpg)
You can't bring yourself to take anything just yet - ethics are getting in the way. You do, however, empty the wallet. You find a 50, a couple of singles, Ms. Brant's driver's license, her credit card, some kind of rewards card for the grocery store, a picture of Dave that appears to be at least three years old, some change, and a hairpin.
You're also not entirely sure about this whole sex thing, so you put that on the back burner for the moment.
Inventory
Empty bowl
$5
Messages
"Lazarus" (2)
Amy (1)
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Whoa who said anything about sex, just climb into bed stealthily next to him and then wake him up with a gentle caress of the face. To creep him out.
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Right. And then wet yourself.
(and find money)
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No don't wet yourself. Punch yourself in the boob for even entertaining such a stupid thought!
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check if the driveway
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Does Dave have any pets? If so, retrieve pet(s) and throw on sleeping Dave to wake him up.
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(http://i.imgur.com/cWcqYYb.jpg)
You walk up the stairs, trying not to notice the ache in your left boob. You look over and see Dave's cat, Math. Retrieving him is possible, but it's going to require some effort, as he's a slippery little thing.
You hear muffled music from Dave's room.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcWKZTI9OC4
Inventory
Empty bowl
$5
Messages
"Lazarus" (2)
Amy (1)
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Well, he probably won't hear you knocking at the door. Throwing it open might lead to an embarrassing situation, or a painful one if he has like.. one of those door mirrors and he's checking himself out in front of it or something. Lightning fast guaranteed toenail removal!
Maybe still head over to take a peek through a gap or the keyhole or something.
Not that doors these days have cartoonishly huge 19th century-style keyholes that you can actually look through anymore but hey.
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Master Ruse:
Get down on the ground next to the door and scratch on the lower part of the door. Your chumpish friend will think it's his cat scratching and come out to see what the problem is. With any luck he will go downstairs to feed math while you hide behind the door, allowing you to creep into his room undetected.
GENIUS.
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Does the cat have money? Catch the cat.
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Type "rosebud" into your cellphone, and receive a 1000 dollars/euros/whatever currency your world is using.
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you type rosebud, and then you go
!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!
note, remember to leave one mistake in there
and then just hold enter for all time
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Gosh, I wish I could do this trick in real life right now.
Don't blame me. I learned how to live from the Sims.
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Eat the cat.
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(might be a bit, gonna be busy for a while, sorry)
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It takes a while to properly prepare a cat.
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While preparing the cat, create your own original recipe and base your cat meat restaurant around it.
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Type "rosebud" into your cellphone, and receive a 1000 dollars/euros/whatever currency your world is using.
(http://i.imgur.com/wgkyhwD.jpg)
Yeah, well, that's a great idea and all, but unfortunately the real world doesn't work like a videogame.(http://i.imgur.com/4y92i7R.jpg)
You attempt to catch and eat the cat, but it flees, dropping some coins and a health potion. You gain 11 XP.InventoryEmpty bowl
$9.78
Health potion
Messages"Lazarus" (2)
Amy (1)
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Open Character Sheet. See if you can buy some perks with that XP Guuuuurl.
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Ok, let's cut to the chase. All guys secretly want to date their own mother. That's like, psychology 101. That's pre-psych. Go raid Dave's mom's wardrobe and like, her purse and everything.
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Maybe still head over to take a peek through a gap or the keyhole or something.
check if the driveway
(http://i.imgur.com/bXe2LEa.jpg)
While pondering all the master plans you've been cooking up, you decide to examine your surroundings. However, it seems that the door to Dave's room is closed, and you're in a hallway with no way to look outside.Character sheet(http://i.imgur.com/zz65Y3F.jpg)
InventoryEmpty bowl
$9.78
Health potion
Messages"Lazarus" (2)
Amy (1)
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Clearly, I'm the most important perk.
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Ok, let's cut to the chase. All guys secretly want to date their own mother. That's like, psychology 101. That's pre-psych. Go raid Dave's mom's wardrobe and like, her purse and everything.
Yes, do this, dress as Dave's mom, then call Dave on his phone to open the door. He needs to see something that will make his jaw drop.
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Jesus, check your messages already or something.
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(busy recently, sorry guys. didn't forget)
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haha **** i forgot about this
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Well then start updating it again you jerk. Do that and maybe I'll start updating my dumb adventure thread, too.
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DAMN IT SLINKY
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It's not like I want you to update this or anything b-baka
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DAMN IT SLINKY
YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!
Yes, do this, dress as Dave's mom, then call Dave on his phone to open the door. He needs to see something that will make his jaw drop.
(http://i.imgur.com/iGquK1a.jpg)
While rummaging through Ms. Brant's laundry basket, you seem to have lost track of time. You're not sure how long it's been since you were upstairs, but you're suddenly surprised by the sound of her car pulling up in the driveway. Panicking, you manage to grab a pullover Packers sweatshirt and a rather tacky floral-patterned blouse. You hear more muffled music from Dave's room. You've been away so long, in fact, it seems his music taste has shifted forward an entire decade.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXhmwMdUKfA
InventoryEmpty bowl
$9.78
Health potion
Messages"Lazarus" (4)
Amy (1)
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Add mom's clothes to your inventory, they may come in handy later.
Barge into Dave's room and just yell at him really loud to make him jump. No time for elaborate schemes any more.
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Yes this. Steal clothes and shout at people.
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Yes this. Steal clothes and shout at people.
(http://i.imgur.com/tDdd4xl.jpg)
You tuck the clothes away and throw the door to Dave's room open, letting out an ear-piercing screech. Dave jumps, startled, and stares at you incredulously.dave: dude what the ****, man
InventoryEmpty bowl
$9.78
Health potion
Tacky floral blouse
Packers sweatshirt
Messages"Lazarus" (4)
Amy (1)
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I forget why we were even here. Guess I should go back and read this thing.
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Put the empty bowl on his head so he can't see when you steal everything in his room.
It worked in Skyrim.
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Play it off like it was a really slick, well-orchestrated prank. "Har har, really had you going there bro"
Dave looks like Inkling.
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(http://i.imgur.com/TKEG506.jpg)
You gingerly place the bowl over Dave's head and take a look around. There's such a mess here that it's going to be difficult to find anything of value.
abby: really, uh, really gotcha going there, you shoulda seen the look on your face, man
dave: haha
Inventory
$9.78
Health potion
Tacky floral blouse
Packers sweatshirt
Messages
"Lazarus" (4)
Amy (1)
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There's gotta be some money somewhere. Keep looking.
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Compliment him on his new hat so he'll be pleased and won't take it off, giving you more time.
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(http://i.imgur.com/WmewprA.jpg)
Knowing Dave, he won't have any money, but you manage to procure a few interesting items. You still don't want to steal anything (in fact, those clothes you grabbed in a panic will be going back in the laundry basket on the way out), but Dave might let you borrow some of these things.
Inventory
$9.78
Health potion
Tacky floral blouse
Packers sweatshirt
Messages
"Lazarus" (4)
Amy (1)
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Gotta check what's on that flash drive.
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Ask Dave to borrow is thumb drive "for secret reasons I can't explain right now..."
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Don't you dare put those clothes back.
Put the thumb drive on your thumb and show it to Dave.
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Check your messages you jerk.
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Don't you dare put those clothes back.
Put the thumb drive on your thumb and show it to Dave.
Tell Dave you know a guy named Emmet over the internet and the thumb drive is the size of his fully turgid dingdong (use those exact words). Find a sharpie and write "Emmet's Schlong" on the drive.
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(http://i.imgur.com/4cZptC6.jpg)
The joke falls flat. For some reason, in your head, it seemed less painfully unfunny.
(http://i.imgur.com/IXiNBjb.jpg)
You try to label the thumb drive so it more clearly resembles a fully turgid dingdong, but your hand slips. You decide to tuck it away for later, just in case you want to see what's on it.
Inventory
$9.78
Health potion
Tacky floral blouse
Packers sweatshirt
MARK'S SCHLONG
Messages
"Lazarus"
"Lazarus": seriously are you ok
"Lazarus": i hope you are
10:46 am
"Lazarus": babe
"Lazarus": are you dead
1:53 pm
Amy
Amy: Hey I don't know where Dave is, do you
10:00 am
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I call it "Big Data" ;)
Message Amy back: "I am bringing him to you now. Prep the theatre for dick transplant."
Also we should probably go to school? Is that what we're meant to be doing?
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(http://i.imgur.com/ITX1Wj6.jpg)
Your guard is waiting. You're going to be late for your hearing if you don't get up.
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"How dare you interrupt my teen girl fantasy!"
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(http://i.imgur.com/ITX1Wj6.jpg)
You attempt to speak, but the machine interrupts you before you can say anything.
guard: Stand.
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wait, what?
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(http://i.imgur.com/ITX1Wj6.jpg)
You're disoriented, and you've forgotten just how you got in this cell.
The machine grows impatient. Or, rather, the amount of time it's programmed to wait for is nearing its end.
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look for money
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Pick up that can.
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(http://i.imgur.com/sUD1PNl.jpg)
You barely get a chance to look around before the machine grabs you by the collar.
guard: Fail to comply and you will have your privilege of choice revoked.
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Oh gosh oh geez you better do what the robot says.
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hug the robot
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(http://i.imgur.com/BHyWk8W.jpg)
It seems the machine has took your lurch forward for a full-body grapple as adherence to its commands, and takes the opportunity to cuff you. At least you're out of that godforsaken cell for now. You feel one of the keys on the machine's control panel brush against your shoulder blade, and it pauses for a moment before continuing to roughhouse you.
Something about being pushed around like this doesn't feel right. You're having trouble remembering who you were before your decades in prison, but you know you deserve more respect than this.
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Ask your robot friend if you can borrow a hairbrush.
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Throw it on the ground. You aren't a part of this system. Man.
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No those are both dumb commands.
Remember. Remember. Remember when you took that escapology course! Start working your way carefully out of the handcuffs so you can take the opportunity to escape when it arises.
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Dislocate thumbs
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Imagine the life you never got to live and slowly forget the reality.
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A brush or a comb would do you well right now. You can't stand your tangled, matted hair any longer and ask the machine to make a quick detour to the washroom. It grants your request and uncuffs you, looming by the washroom door to ensure you don't escape. You take a moment to look in the mirror and reflect on who you were, and the life that was stolen from you.
(http://i.imgur.com/ObXcjjC.jpg?1)
You see a vision of your former self in the mirror - an idealized vision, perhaps, but definitely you nonetheless. Your name is Zeus Hammerspace. Captain Zeus Hammerspace, or at least you were a captain, before your sentence began. You should've been a war hero, but that was stolen from you as well - along with your crew, your ship, your title, and your freedom.
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Open your "empty" socket and activate the NEMESIS EYE. Contingencies like this are why you participated in that doomed project in the first place.
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(http://i.imgur.com/eLMUULB.png)
You decide not to cut your hair or shave just yet - you figure your rugged look will make you more intimidating. You do, however, find something to cover up the unsightly scar left over from the failed NEMESIS EYE project.
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> Attend show trial.
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(http://i.imgur.com/xnXlq7M.png)
The guard pushes you down the hallway further. You don't fear execution - a punishment considered backwards and barbaric by today's standards - but you dread the thought of spending the rest of your life on some dreary little mining planet on the outer rim.
(Sorry for the inconsistent/poor/unoriginal/whatever art, drawing with a mouse is hard)
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Fake massive heart attack as a ruse.
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(http://i.imgur.com/VLbUH5X.png)
You are shoved unceremoniously into the room and up the steps to stand before the High Court of the Federation of One Thousand Suns. You are already assumed guilty with no hope of appeal. There's nothing left to do now but to await your sentence.
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Look over the lamewads in this space kangaroo court. Try to identify weaknesses that can be used to your advantage. Make Slinky draw more people.
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Slur "THEY DREW FIRST BLUUUUUAHD!" and then say you love Adrienne.
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> evacuate bowels
> be the robot
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(https://scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13055582_1757993261102974_3561090451486514807_n.jpg?oh=3e224f4e95e8136f33ce79c84575245a&oe=57797451)
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What.
>eat toast.
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Open QUEST FOLIO.