Author Topic: New computer virus' know your enemy! (Read 30008 times)

Kaizer · « **on:** January 24, 2009, 06:47:02 pm »

New Viruses on the loose!
Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T virus:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI virus:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Politically Correct virus:
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Government Economist virus:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

New World Order virus:
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Federal Bureaucrat virus:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Texas virus:
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve virus:
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Congressional virus:
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Airline virus:
You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian virus:
Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.

Public Television virus:
Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis virus:
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Nike virus:
Just does it.

Congressional virus #2:
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

Star Trek virus:
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Health Care virus:
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

Grangan · « **Reply #1 on:** January 24, 2009, 06:48:42 pm »

DESTRUCTOR Virus:If your computer is infected with this, it will blow up, killing everyone in your neighborhood, after a five second period during which it sends itself to every computer you have ever sent or recieved email from, or seen or been seen by on the internet.

Andrew Ryan · « **Reply #2 on:** January 24, 2009, 07:05:55 pm »

Trickster Virus: Hides and tricks you into thinking there is no virus when actually it is giving out all your info to everyone on the internet!

UFO King · « **Reply #3 on:** January 24, 2009, 07:19:25 pm »

DeLorean Virus: Gives your computer an electrical shock of 1.21 jigawatts.

Doctor Z · « **Reply #4 on:** January 24, 2009, 07:21:44 pm »

Ahahahaha... Nice ones, Kaizer.

Where'd you get em?

Kaizer · « **Reply #5 on:** January 24, 2009, 07:30:17 pm »

http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/Funny-Jokes/Computer-Jokes

The internet is for, virus: Causes you to think your computer has safe internet yet whenever someone else goes online they see your porn stash

omegatripod · « **Reply #6 on:** January 24, 2009, 07:55:38 pm »

Godzilla virus: Installs an auto-flaming system onto your computer that targets Japanese forums.

Andrew Ryan · « **Reply #7 on:** January 24, 2009, 09:10:31 pm »

Esplode virus: Your computer explodes in a shower of metal and plastic.

NOMNOMNOM Virus: Your computer sucks up more and more power from the wall socket until it eventually blows up your fuse box.

Grazony · « **Reply #8 on:** January 24, 2009, 10:26:54 pm »

EPIC virus- Makes your computer epically fail at computering.

munchkin5 · « **Reply #9 on:** January 25, 2009, 04:32:51 am »

Gypsy Virus: Arrives on your computer sells half your useful files on ebay and leaves a pile of useless files when it leaves 2 weeks after your antivirus started trying to delete it.

Plank of Wood · « **Reply #10 on:** January 25, 2009, 04:36:52 am »

British Liscensing Virus - You may still use your virus if you get a liscense for it and must mount a CCTV camera on it.

SBD · « **Reply #11 on:** January 25, 2009, 08:14:52 am »

Kevin Rudd Virus: makes all the words in text documents bigger for no reason, furthermore it makes your computer seem like it's working fine but nothing is actually being done.

Grazony · « **Reply #12 on:** January 25, 2009, 08:41:28 am »

Obama Virus: Yes We Can and Change appears on the monitor randomly.

*fun fact* ( Did you know that spell check doesn't count Obama as a real word or name)

legojedij · « **Reply #13 on:** January 25, 2009, 11:12:56 am »

Chuck Norris virus: causes computer to roundhouse kick its self till it breaks

Einstein virus: causes computer to do nothing but complex equations till it crashes

Veraal · « **Reply #14 on:** January 25, 2009, 12:01:58 pm »

ObamaVirus.Exe: Changes several random things in your computer, sometimes it might benefit you.

Andrew Ryan · « **Reply #15 on:** January 25, 2009, 01:06:56 pm »

Nazi Virus: Translates all your text into German and makes you seam really racist on the internet!

Grangan · « **Reply #16 on:** January 25, 2009, 01:19:46 pm »

Atheist Virus:Makes you illogical and makes you quit making sense. People are generally infected with this virus if they are stupid or evil.

Yannick · « **Reply #17 on:** January 25, 2009, 01:25:00 pm »

Religion virus: Causes your screen to depict hallucinations and generally crazy images. Sometimes a random bearded guy pops up, telling you how much he loves you.

Plank of Wood · « **Reply #18 on:** January 25, 2009, 01:56:29 pm »

Quote from: Grangan on January 25, 2009, 01:19:46 pm

Atheist Virus: Makes you illogical and makes you quit making sense. People are generally infected with this virus if they are stupid or evil.

Do I need to point out the irony in this?

Doctor Z · « **Reply #19 on:** January 25, 2009, 02:05:25 pm »

Quote from: Plank of Wood on January 25, 2009, 01:56:29 pm

Quote from: Grangan on January 25, 2009, 01:19:46 pm
Atheist Virus: Makes you illogical and makes you quit making sense. People are generally infected with this virus if they are stupid or evil.

Do I need to point out the irony in this?

It's Grangan...

... SOoooo... Yes.

Summoner · « **Reply #20 on:** January 25, 2009, 02:14:28 pm »

Child Virius : Hides everything in a file then ships it to a secert part of your comptuter

Angry Virius : Throws everythng in the recycle bin and wont let them out

Happy Virius : Puts Hearts on your programs and when you start everything is says I Love You and doesn't stop and also you cant see because of hearts

Gaming Steve Virius : Never Lets you turn off your computer or leave Gaming Steve Forums

UFO King · « **Reply #21 on:** January 25, 2009, 02:26:19 pm »

George W. Bush Virus: Infects your computer's text with bad grammar and a strong Southern accent and then proceeds to destroy your files, hard drive, Internet, etc. over the course of 8 years until you install Obama anti-virus software.

Andrew Ryan · « **Reply #22 on:** January 25, 2009, 02:33:51 pm »

Andrew Ryan Virus: Makes your computer background art-decolisious and plays tunes from the 30's constantly.

Ultimatum · « **Reply #23 on:** January 25, 2009, 02:50:39 pm »

And also makes your computer suck even more

Grazony · « **Reply #24 on:** January 25, 2009, 03:03:52 pm »

CoOkIeMoStEr.EXE virus: Eats the cookies and destroys anything thats not a cookie recipe.

SBD · « **Reply #25 on:** January 25, 2009, 09:32:09 pm »

Soviet Russia Virus: It infects YOU!

Andrew Ryan · « **Reply #26 on:** January 25, 2009, 11:36:14 pm »

Quote from: Ultimatum on January 25, 2009, 02:50:39 pm

And also makes your computer suck even more

Cow · « **Reply #27 on:** January 26, 2009, 03:05:50 pm »

I actually have a virus that keeps my main computer from working. I'm pissed

Phat virus: It raps. Forever. Nonstop. Also, should you try to turn off your computer, it shoots you through the disk drive gangsta style.

Skyward · « **Reply #28 on:** January 26, 2009, 06:29:47 pm »

Quote from: SBD on January 25, 2009, 09:32:09 pm

Soviet Russia Virus: It infects YOU!

wouldnt that be ,You infect it?

Raz · « **Reply #29 on:** January 26, 2009, 06:32:35 pm »

Quote from: Skyward on January 26, 2009, 06:29:47 pm

Quote from: SBD on January 25, 2009, 09:32:09 pm
Soviet Russia Virus: It infects YOU!
wouldnt that be ,You infect it?

Really it should be Your Computer Infects the Virus.

omegatripod · « **Reply #30 on:** January 26, 2009, 08:34:44 pm »

High Schooler virus: Is completely dormant for a few weeks, then crams all the computer destroying in at the last possible minute. (There's a built-in deadline.)

Grangan · « **Reply #31 on:** January 26, 2009, 08:54:24 pm »

FAIL virus- all image files have "FAIL" affixed to them.

Yuu · « **Reply #32 on:** January 27, 2009, 07:32:55 am »

Goggle virus- it does NOTHING!

Doctor Z · « **Reply #33 on:** January 27, 2009, 07:45:11 am »

Quote from: Yuu on January 27, 2009, 07:32:55 am

Goggle virus- it does NOTHING!

See, now, this is how you win. You can learn from this man, Kenobro.

munchkin5 · « **Reply #34 on:** January 27, 2009, 08:09:30 am »

Yuu Virus: It wins

Ichthyostega · « **Reply #35 on:** January 27, 2009, 03:27:53 pm »

Hard-Disk Eater: A Microsoft Agent of a bacteriophage virus is downloaded on your computer without your permission and then warns you that you are a n00b and that your computer was infected with a hard-disk-eating virus that will eat all of your programs by the minute and then lastly the contents of the entire WINDOWS folder.

Veraal · « **Reply #36 on:** January 27, 2009, 03:32:30 pm »

Mac Virus:

Yuu · « **Reply #37 on:** January 28, 2009, 06:59:04 am »

Awesome one, Veraal!

Dwight · « **Reply #38 on:** January 28, 2009, 08:49:44 am »

Gilette Virus: Deletes all beard-related images.

shadowlord18 · « **Reply #39 on:** February 08, 2009, 11:35:46 pm »

Scientology virus: thetens(sp?) infect your computer though apart form an occasionally flashed waring of this you can not tell. you have to par ridiculous amounts of money to remove it.

Dwight · « **Reply #40 on:** February 09, 2009, 07:15:41 pm »

od virus, overdoses your computer with data.

Ichthyostega · « **Reply #41 on:** February 09, 2009, 07:40:45 pm »

SubmissionWare: After being secretly installed, a window suddenly pops up, asking that if you hate viruses, if you answer yes, then it another window pops up saying "THEN YOU MUST DIE, YOU INSOLENT, FAT HUMAN!!!!!", and then vital system components are destroyed within quick minutes. It will spare your documents and games, but a modified blue screen of death appears, with the text:

"For the insolent, organic abomination you are, I have completely beseiged your WINDOWS folder. I am merciful enough to spare your files, however, but if you do not agree to this pact, then then the rest of your C:/ drive will be incinerated! Provided that I do not destroy your valuable files that you were to lazy to back up, you must swallow a small pet, preferrably one of your poisonous frogs or newts! If you do not comply, then kiss your hard disk goodbye, lazy obese human!!! I do not care if you do not have any poisonous amphibians, agree now or face the consequences!!!

Press F1 to agree.
Press F2 or ESC to decline."

If you decline, the screen will go black and within an hour or so, your hard disk drive is completely destroyed.

Insani99999 · « **Reply #42 on:** February 25, 2009, 06:29:56 pm »

Sporeizii virus:
When you start spore, it will say "NAZI LOLZ"
And delete all your spore files.
It will then execute Insane Virus

Insane Virus:
Your screen's colors get inverted every millisecond, while your hard drive is infected with all the viruses in this topic.
After done, the screen turns into a background of Gaming steve and said, "...owned lol."

Detoxicated · « **Reply #43 on:** March 07, 2009, 04:10:01 pm »

All-your-base virus: All your bytes are belong to us...

Insani99999 · « **Reply #44 on:** March 07, 2009, 07:35:51 pm »

Spama** Virus:
Every time you press something, your computer will explode

Grazony · « **Reply #45 on:** March 07, 2009, 07:49:19 pm »

Psycho Mom virus: Gives you cookies and milk and than slits your throat and kills your hard drive.

omegatripod · « **Reply #46 on:** March 20, 2009, 07:01:18 pm »

Agnostic Virus: It makes sense.
Verizon Virus: It can hear you now.
Nostalgia Virus: It remembers it so you don't have to.
Newgrounds Virus: Overloads your hard drive with everything, by everyone.
Granny Virus: Changes your username to "Mister Binkypoo" and your password to "cutiepie."

The_Kev · « **Reply #47 on:** March 31, 2009, 12:03:30 pm »

American virus: Downloads huge amounts of files.. Even if the hard-disk is completely full, it's still downloading until the hard-disk crashes.

Detoxicated · « **Reply #48 on:** April 05, 2009, 06:40:59 pm »

LSD Virus: Makes your windows look colourful, yet melting, yaaaay

Slinky · « **Reply #49 on:** May 12, 2011, 01:29:10 pm »

Dan Quayle Virus: If it had known those Latin American computers were so nice, it would have downloaded Latin in high school.

Clayface · « **Reply #50 on:** May 12, 2011, 04:15:28 pm »

Yes is no virus : sets 0 = true and 1 = false in your computers understanding of code, thus breaking every program

Yuu · « **Reply #51 on:** May 14, 2011, 06:37:46 am »

Bolo Virus: wrecks your computer for the honor of the regiment!

T-Virus: it pities the fool who got his computer infected by it.

Flamester_ · « **Reply #52 on:** May 14, 2011, 10:26:24 pm »

Youtube Virus: Records everything you do and posts it on the internet while playing annoying 'popular' music.

GroxGlitch · « **Reply #53 on:** May 15, 2011, 08:56:09 pm »

Sweet 'n' Sour virus: Screws up your computer completely, deleting all your important files based on frequency of launching...then apologizes and restores them.....then changes your desktop to some humiliating arse-shot a few days later.